


About lies, half-truths and the f*cking painful truth

by SorcorerSupreme



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Accidents, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Original Character(s), Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-09 18:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 38,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorcorerSupreme/pseuds/SorcorerSupreme
Summary: Before his Formula One debut, they had to decide whether to make his relation to her public. For her sake, they decided to keep it a secret, even though it would make everything way more complicated and difficult.~~~”He always had it easier. People asked him if he wanted to follow his steps and when he said no, it was okay. Nobody even though about me, a girl, following his steps.”Before he showed up in her garage, everything was easier. Before he freaked out after her accident, everything was easier. But he's her brother, he's allowed to show up in her garage and he's allowed to freak out if getting her out of what used to be her car takes way too long, right? And he's allowed to decide about her future as he knows the motorsports business only too well, right?





	1. × one ×

Two days. Two days since I won the FIA Formula 3 European Championship. Two days since I won the FIA Formula 3 European Championship in my rookie year. Two days since I won the FIA Formula 3 European Championship in my rookie year as the first female driver to do so. Two days since I won my second Championship this year – I already won the BRDC British Formula 4 Championship the weekend before, also in my rookie year.

I should be walking through the halls of my school, beaming with pride and thanking everyone who congratulates me for achieving something most people thought was impossible to do for a girl. Instead, I’m secretly spending the breaks in my dorm room, hoping nobody would be looking for me here. It’s forbidden for students to stay in their dorm rooms during the school day and I’m risking to be put in detention if a teacher is bored and checks the rooms, but I couldn’t care less.

Usually, Tuesday is my favourite school day of the week. It begins with history, followed by English, German and biology. Afterwards, I have the evening off to do my own work out while the others have extracurricular activities like dancing, badminton or music stuff to do. So it’s a quite relaxed day and my teachers are the best, but today, I just want to stay in the safe dorm room I share with three other girls, talk about boys and forget _everything_.  
And with _everything_ , I seriously mean _everything_ – the FIA Formula Three Championship as well as the BRDC British Formula 4 Championship I just won, my parents, my sisters, my older brother and his request to skype with me later today, my younger twin brother and him telling me he wants to participate in the 2017 Audi TT Cup, the annual check-up next month, the certain boy I can’t get off my mind, _just everything_.

Frustrated, I sigh and look out of the window – we have the playground right in front of our dorm window and it’s normally really annoying, but now I enjoy watching the young girls playing together carelessly, not caring about such things as a career, a good reputation and so on. And I’m low-key jealous because I never got to experience such a careless and happy childhood.

The display of my phone lightens up and I groan quietly when I read the message I just received.

 _From:_ _Big bro_  
Please remember your check-up in four weeks, mom and dad want to have proof that it’s gone.

 _To: Big bro_  
I will, no worries.

It’s gone for years and I can tell it didn’t come back during the last twelve months. By now, I know my body good enough to notice even small changes, I would have noticed something. Sure, I can understand my parents, I know how hard my first five years were for them, dealing with their son’s success in motorsport while having their daughter in hospital, not knowing whether she would survive the day. But those days are behind us and I’m old enough to take care of myself, thank you very much.

 _From: Big bro_  
Em, I’m serious. Mark’s going to pick you up and bring you back.

The bell rings before I can type a proper answer, so I just roll my eyes at his suspiciousness when it comes to my doctor’s appointments and his weird relationship with his former teammate, grab my bag and quickly leave my dorm room. The halls are almost empty, so it takes me less than a minute to walk to my German class and just when I walk into the room and aim to sit down on my chair in the first row, the bell rings again. “Just on time”, Ana mumbles under her breath and I smile cheekily at her. “You’re just jealous because it didn’t work out for you the last time.” Mrs. Meier gives us a warning glare and I place the book on the table before she puts me in detention. “Open your books at page 56”, she says in German and everyone expect me groans.

Page 56 is a grammar page and I can understand why they don’t want to go through the complex German grammar again; for me as a native speaker, it’s obviously quite easy. I learned it all years ago, but since I barley talk German nowadays, I don’t know the rules, I just talk and try to figure out if it sounds right or wrong. That might be a reason why Mrs. Meier hates me but doesn’t dare to put me in detention for small things, because she knows she needs me for the pronunciation and stuff since she sucks at it.

Thankfully, we only have to do the tasks in the book on Page 56 which takes them the whole lesson – expect Ailisha, Ana and me as they copy my answers and I explain it to them on the weekends.  So after she read through our answers, she tells us the homework and lets us go since it doesn’t matter whether we do the homework in class or in our room.

“Thanks God, I don’t understand your goddamn language, Em”. Chuckeling, I watch Ailishia throwing her German book on the floor and sit down on my bed. “It’s not that difficult if yo-“ “Where were you during the break? We were looking for you but didn’t find you.” Oh, right. The break. “I was in the library”, I lie, grab my phone and unlock it. “That was where we expected you to be, so we were looking for you there as well. And you weren’t there. Now don’t tell me you probably were on the loo because we yelled your name in every single bathroom as well.” One of the few disadvantages of having the same dorm mates since my very first day is that they know me a bit too well for my liking. “Maybe I spend the break here and broke some rules.”

 _To: Big Bro_  
I’m old enough to call a taxi, thank you very much.

“What’s going on?”, asks Lucy and I wince in surprise, I didn’t notice her coming in. “Huh? Everything’s fine, I’m just sick of every single person at this goddamn school congratulating me.” Again, it’s a lie and now that I said it out loud, I realize how untypical it sounds for me to say something like this. “Em, if you don’t want to tell us what’s going on, it’s fine, but please don’t lie to us.”

I don’t want to lie to them, I really don’t, but it’s the only way I can lie to myself. It’s the only way I can pretend my life is a mess right now. “Okay, alright, there’s a boy.” As far as they know, there has never been a boy in my life until now and I look down at my hands, not wanting to see their reactions. Suddenly, someone jumps on my back and Lucy quickly locks the door behind her, closes the window and sits down on the ground in front of my bed. “A boy?! There’s a boy in your life? Tell us everything, sweetie.”


	2. × two ×

Ana and Ailisha sit down on my left and right side and I nod. “Yeah, a boy, but it’s not that important and the next lesson starts in twe-“ “It seems to be important for you and don’t worry about the next lesson, twenty minutes should be enough to talk about the boy in your life if you want to.” On the one hand, I really do want to talk about him, but on the other hand, I already lied so many times to them. They can’t know who I really am, who my mysterious overprotective twenty-eight years old brother really is. I already told them too much, but it’s not about my mysterious overprotective brother who tends to send his former teammate to keep an eye on me, right? It’s about me, about my personal life and if I change the story a bit, it won’t be too suspicious to them.

“Okay, so … that boy and I have always kind of met by accident. Sometimes his dad made him watch karting races, sometimes he was karting himself. We met during my first year of karting competitions and I was low-key nervous  and slightly scared since I was the youngest and most unexperienced kid. Some boys were two to three heads taller than me, something I wasn’t used to because it was more separated in Germany.” I take a deep breath and in moments like this one, I’m really thankful for having them here with me. Before I came here, it was an independent day school but when I was offered to study here, they realised they need to figure out how to make it easier for international students to stay here, so they collected money from former students and thankful parents and build this building with dorm rooms for students who live too far away.

“Let me guess, you had a crush on him”, comments Lucy and I scoff under my breath, she knows me better than that. “At first, I was just looking up to him, he was already in a higher kart racing class and he kind of took me under his wings. Because he knew his father wouldn’t like it and he knew about my overprotective brother, he did it secretly, he told the guys I was karting against to stay the hell away from me. One of them didn’t listen and the next thing I know for sure is that he ended up in hospital hours later after he drove straight into me to stop me from becoming the leader in the championship in my first year.” Of course he pretended like he had no idea what I was talking about when I asked him whether it was him, but his bruised fists told me everything I wanted to know.

“So he’s literally another overprotective guy in your life, as if you didn’t already have enough of them.” Shrugging, I nod and Ana sighs. “Great. Continue.” I take a deep breath and smile weakly at the memories of him and me. “Whenever we were at the same karting track, we used to sneak out and spend some time together, you know, on our own without annoying people around us. That’s probably when I started to have a crush on him. He was nice and caring and he understood all those struggles I had. Heck, he even tried to help me with my homework even though German wasn’t his mother tongue.”

Ailisha awes under her breath and I chuckle slightly. “It felt right. We got closer and closer and it just felt so right. Until 2012. I was preparing myself for KF3, the kart racing class for top drivers from 12 to 15 I would join the following year. Actually, I knew it since January 2012 but when it was official in September, I called him straight away. That’s when he told me he loved me. As much as I wanted to say I loved him too, I couldn’t. I couldn’t say it because it would have never worked out between us in the first place. So instead of saying something, I hang up.” Do I regret it? Yes, I do regret not telling him I loved him too when I had the chance, but I know it was the right thing to do. For his sake and for my own.

“That sounds like something you would do, Em.” Playfully, I slap Lucy and she dramatically gasps. “Did you see that? She just slapped me for saying the truth!” Eyes rolling, Ailisha sighs and ruffles through my hair. “And what did he do now that you can’t stop thinking about him? Did he send you nudes?” They all burst out in laughter and now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “No, thanks god he didn’t send me nudes. That would have been awkward. Actually, he congratulated me on winning both Formula Three championships and he told me he always knew I would achieve amazing things. And he asked me if I want to have dinner with him. As friends. After I ignored his texts and calls for three years.”

In disbelief, Ana looks at me and shares a knowing glare with the others. “So you ignored him since he told you that he loved you and now he wants to take you out for dinner? Man, that boy must really love you.” I choke on my salvia and can’t believe she actually just said that. “No, he dated some other girls. Also, he’s now a colleague of my brother, so I got to have to say no, it could ruin his career and my life in freedom.”

Talking about him is bringing back the memories of the after this year’s Monaco Grand Prix – Kimi invited me as a driver of the team he and his former race manager Steve Robinson because even though he has nothing to do with the team anymore, he’s still proud if it’s success and I don’t think he’ll stop bragging about it any time soon – and specially its huge party after the race which was won by Nico, followed by Sebastian and Lewis.

 And it specially brings back the memories of the night that should have never happened in the first place. Someone – I think it was Daniel, but I’m not sure about it – made sure I always had something alcoholic in my hands and then he showed up. He showed up and I absolutely don’t remember how and why, but somehow I ended up at his place. But what I remember is him roughly taking my virginity that night and it felt amazing and so right. Needless to say I had to figure out how to cover up some marks from that night for a few weeks.

 “Em? Emilia? Are you still with us?” So lost in thoughts, I didn’t realise this conversation isn’t over yet. “Uh yeah, of course, I just … it might feel wrong but I got to say no, for his and my sake.” Sceptically, Ailisha looks at me and I shrug. “Can I have your phone?” Confused, I hand Lucy my precious smartphone and don’t even think to watch her – they all know my password and I know theirs and it’s not that unusual for one to have my phone. “Gurl, it’s your life and not your brother’s, you have to deal with the decisions you make, he doesn’t. So if you like that boy, let him take you out for dinner. We can give you an alibi and everything.”

 Of course she’s right, it’s my life and I have to deal with the impact of the decisions I do, but she doesn’t know my brother. She doesn’t know how freaking overprotective he really is, I mean, come on, he lets his former teammate pick me up for the annual check-up because otherwise I could secretly meet with boys. “I know bu-“ “So I just texted him that you would love to have dinner with him.”


	3. × three ×

“You didn’t do that!” In utter disbelief, I stare at Lucy and don’t know what to say nor what to do. Fucking hell, how am I supposed to explain this to my brother? _“Look, it wasn’t me, one of my best friends texted him I would love to have dinner with him. I wanted to ignore him like I did for years?”_ He would never believe me and to be honest, I wouldn’t believe myself either if I didn’t know it’s the damn truth. “Otherwise you would never go out with a boy until you’re twenty or even older!”, she exclaims and hands me my phone back. “As Ailisha said, we’ll give you an alibi or we go to the same restaurant, we’ll see.”

Groaning, I unlock my phone and swallow when I see he has already answered. “Guys, I can’t do it. I just can’t.” Ana gives me a reassuring smile and gently pats my back before standing up. “Don’t worry, you’ll be alright. Lunch break starts in three minutes, so if we want to safe seats before everyone else comes, we better leave now.” Quickly, we stand up as well and I hide my phone under my pillow, I don’t want to carry it with me as long as there’s the unread message.

So we make our way to the cafeteria and Lucy and I manage to save four chairs before the bells ring. “Did he answer my text already?” I really don’t want to know what he answered, it could be literally everything. “Don’t think so”, I lie and immediately feel bad; but it’s better this way. Because now I can read his answer on my own during the ride to the gym I always go to and decide whether it’s appropriate to let them read it or not. He might mention the night that should have never happened and I don’t want to have to tell them more lies about why I know all those guys and why someone made sure I always had an alcoholic drink to nip on. “Tell me when he did, okay?”

Weakly, I nod and quietly sigh in relief when Ana and Ailisha show up with four tablets, so they managed to get our food as well. On some days, the lady behind the counter allows us to take our friends’ food as well, on some days, she doesn’t and the two who saved the chairs have to wait ages to get their goddamn food. “I thought about doing a movie marathon tonight, if you’re in for it. Of course we have to start with the first Iron Movie and watch every single MCU movie. Em, you got the Age of Ultron Blue-Ray, don’t you?” Again, I nod and smile, it’s amazing to have friends who also are marvel nerds. “Sure, I might finish my work out a bit earlier today and I can grab popcorn and crisps on my way back.”

The text to him is forgotten for the moment and we spend the whole lunch break with talking about the movie marathon and which movies we’re going to watch for sure and which movies might have to wait until tomorrow.

“Class starts in two minutes, so we better leave unless y’all want to be put in detention.” So focused on the conversation, I didn’t even look at the clock once and it amazes me how fast lunch break can pass with the right people to spend it with. “Hurry up, Em”, Lucy whines and I roll my eyes at her, grab my bag and leave the room – we have biology together and the teacher hates us both and puts both of us in detention if one of us is too late for class.

We have to run the last few meters and enter the room when the bell rings. “Your boss seems to be a good guy”, she says as we sit down and I nod, knowing what she wants to achieve. “Yeah, he’s amazing but I have no idea why he just called me, he knows I have school.” Our teacher gives us a warning glare and begins the lesson without putting us in detention. “Thanks god, my parents would freak out if I was put in detention again.” Luckily, my parents don’t freak out because they know my temperament only too well and as long as I keep my straight As, it doesn’t really matter to them what I do at school.  
“You could have blamed me”, I mumble under my breath when Mr. Stevenson turns around to write something on the board. “Probably, but I can’t always blame you for everything just because they like you.” Shrugging, I smile at her and copy what he has written on the board. “Well this time it would have been my fault.” In relief, I sigh when he starts to talk about a new topic which means we don’t have to present the research we did during the last lesson. “No, it was our fault as well. And I’m sorry for texting him, I can clear things up if you absolutely don’t want to go out with him, but you can’t always do things for your brother. One day, you have to start living your life for yourself.”

Biology was surprisingly uneventful. Even though Mr. Stevenson hates us, I like his class and the way he teaches, it’s easy to understand and he’s fine with repeating something for the millionth time. We played tic tac toe and I’m quite sure we both cheated at least once.

Currently, I’m on my way to the gym. My school has an own gym, yes, but it doesn’t have the equipment I need for torturing my neck the way I have to. And sometimes it still surprises me that my brother actually doesn’t mind the fact I could skip gym and secretly meet with boys. Maybe it’s because he knows that I know better than skipping gym since it’s something I do for myself, I don’t know, but I’m glad he lets me have this tiny bit of freedom in my life.

 _From: him_  
Really? Wow, I didn’t expect you to answer at all … Your last races with F3 are on the 17 th and 18th October, aren’t they?

 _To: him_  
Yeah, but you should stay in Austin.

 _From: him_  
I won’t stay in Austin if I can take the most breath-taking girl of the universe out for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who do you think 'he' is? And what do you reckon might happen next?


	4. × four ×

“Maybe we shouldn’t have Age of Ultron twice”, Ana admits sleepily and I yawn. “Excuse me?” Lucy throws her pillow in her face and laughs. “Guys, hurry up, we’re already late for breakfast.” Eyes rolling, Ailisha stands up and opens the windows to let some fresh air in. “But my bed is so comfy and warm”, I whine and close my eyes again. Last night was definitely too short, but it was definitely worth it. But she steals my cover and I wince when the cold air hits my body. “I’m serious, get dressed.” Even though the three of us all complain quietly under our breaths, we’re secretly thankful for her to make sure we actually leave the bed.

Ten minutes later, we manage to show up in the cafeteria and I just grab a hot chocolate since I’m still full from the popcorn and the crisps I ate last night. “Don’t you want to eat something?” Shrugging, I sit down next to a sleepy Lucy and nip at the hot or more likely warm liquid. “No, because I bought some other sweets as well so I’ll somehow survive the day until lunch break.” I know they’re sometimes jealous of the extra privileges I have, but they also know how much I have to do to keep them.

“Do you think we’ll have another grammar test in German class today”, asks Ana and I shrug. “Gurl we know it’s easy as fuck for you, you better let us copy.” When I just nod, Ailisha sighs in relief and smiles. “Those are the benefits of having a native speaker as one of your best friends.” Usually, I would dramatically gasp and pretend to be hurt, but I’m too tired to even roll my eyes at her. It’s weird and unusual for me to be that tired since I’m used to give 110% after a short night – okay, I don’t spend my average short night with talking about the boys from Abingdon’s Boys’ school or about my male rivals in both championships. And I absolutely don’t spend my average short night with thinking about someone I should never even dare to think about. 

They eat in silence and I stare at my empty cup, debating with myself whether I stand up and spoil myself with a second hot chocolate on a non-cheat day. “Did he answer?” Confused, I look at Lucy and it takes me a while to realise she’s asking if he has already answered. “That’s a good question and I can’t give you a good answer because I didn’t check my phone yet.” Quietly, she groans and shakes her head. “Are you serious? Does he mean literally nothing to you or why are you so uninterested in his answer?” No, he means too much for me to be interested in his answer because I know a date cannot happen. “No, it’s just better for his sake and for my own if I pretend to be not interested in his answer at all.”

And all out of a sudden, I regret answering him in the first place, giving him the slight hope of thinks working somehow out between the two of us. “Is there something you didn’t tell us or why are you so negative? You’re just going out for dinner, it doesn’t even have to be a date. Friends can go out for dinner as well and nobody has to know that he’ll pay.” Sure, she’s somehow right. If my brother found out about us having dinner, I could just say we were catching up as friends. “Well our story isn’t finished with me ignoring him. We met again in Monaco, you know, Kimi invited me to watch it.”

Of course they remember, I had to send them an update every ten minutes and had to describe every driver’s smell. And “good” or “sweaty” absolutely wasn’t enough for them. But their reactions when they got my brother’s signed fanmerch were absolutely worth it. “When did you meet? Oh, and why did Kimi invite you again? He wasn’t a Formula One driver at that time.” Curiously, they look at me and I mentally slap myself for not keeping it a secret. It’s not like one secret more or less could cause any more harm if they find out who my brother really is. “Well, I raced for the team he founded. And as Sebastian and Kimi are friends, he was invited by my fellow German and don’t ask me why but he managed to get me on the invitation list. Oh, he and I met at the party Kimi invited me to after the race. Where someone got me drunk and I send you the drunk snaps from me and the barkeeper.”

I regret not spoiling myself with the second hot chocolate on a non-cheat day and sigh, looking down on my hands. “He took me to his place. And that’s when _it_ happened.” The cafeteria is definitely not the right place to talk about so private stuff, so stressing the _“it”_ has to do it as well. “Oh my god! You can’t be serious!” Shocked, Ana gasps and I shrug. “I was drunk, he was drunk and _it_ just somehow happened. Don’t ask me how because I don’t remember.”

Thankfully, the bell rings and reminds of the fact that the first lesson starts in ten minutes, so we stand up, bring our dirty dishes away and run back to our room to grab our bags. “We’re not done talking about him and the unforgettable night you idiot forgot”, comments Lucy and I groan, damn it. They already know way more than I am actually allowed to tell them, so telling them even more can’t be that bad, can it? “Yeah, yeah, whatever. See you in German class or at the lacrosse training, biatches.”

With a badass move, I grab my bag and my phone at the same time and leave our dorm room before one of them can say something. On my way to my philosophy teacher’s room, I unlock my phone and swallow when I read through his response.

 _From: him_  
Talked with Franz, he’s going to talk to Helmut and Christian so I can fly back. You know, to see good old friends, to congratulate the 2015 FIA European Formula Three Champion and do some promo for their junior program.

 _From: him_  
I really can’t wait to see you again after Monaco.

“Shit”, I mumble under my breath and weakly shake my head in disbelief. No, no, no, specially not after Monaco. This is becoming worse and worse.

 _To: him_  
You can totally forget everything if you think I’m just someone to fuck with when you get bored or something.

 _To: him_  
I'm serious. Just forget it. It was a mistake back then and I won't do the same mistake a second time. 

 _To: him_  
If you're so desparate, ask a weird friend of yours to get you one of those plastic dolls only made for this purpose. 

 _To: him_  
By the way, I regret it all. I regret liking you in the first place. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Internatioal Women's Day, ladies! Dream big and don't settle for less just because you bleed once a month.


	5. × five ×

“I need to get dressed, are you going to end the live video or do I have to ask Timo if I can use his room to change into my racing gear?”, I ask Lucas and roll my eyes at him when he answers a fan question instead of answering mine. Thanks to someone’s brilliant idea of showing up at the grand finale of the FIA European Formula Three championship, I don’t have a room on my own like I usually have but have to share one with the one and only Lucas Auer.

Tomorrow and on Sunday, it’s not going to be a problem since we’ll have completely different schedules and everything, but it’s absolutely not working out today. “Luggi, I’m serious, you know Timo would not be am-“ “Okay, okay, see you soon, guys!” Quickly, he ends the live video and I scoff under my breath. “And now get out of my room.” He chuckles, ruffles through my hair and leaves the room, knowing he won’t win an argument now.

It surprised me to hear my brother was fine with me sharing my room with an actual male human being for the very last racing weekend of the year. Maybe he agreed on it because he can tell Timo to storm into the room any second or maybe he suddenly realised that I’m sixteen, almost seventeen and not the young naïve girl he used to take care of. But it sounds too nice to be true, so I guess Timo’s going to storm into the room a few times a day during the three days. Sighing, I change into my racing gear and open the door Lucas closed behind him a bit so he knows it’s safe to come in again.

“Long time not seen, partner.” Smiling, he comes in again and I roll my eyes. He’s a Mercedes Junior, just like Pascal and whenever they’re invited to Toto’s place for dinner or something, they come a bit earlier and hang out with me if I am at my brother’s place on that day. “Wait who are you again? Damn, I forgot you name, it must have been a really long time.” Cheekily, I smile at him and he just ruffles through my hair. “Whatever you say, Em.” He’s one of the few people in motorsport who know who I really am – or more likely, to which family I really belong. “How is he doing, by the way?”

“The lack of speed compared to Mercedes frustrates him, but he won three races so he’s way more happier than last year. Sure, he only managed to win because Merc somehow messed up their races, but he takes it. Also he’s glad to have Kimi as his teammate since they get along really well and sharing data is no problem for them. He also can ask him for help at tracks he struggles with and they’re working really hard on next year’s car.” He nods and I chuckle. “The crew accepts me as well even though they all stop talking whenever I show up. Because I would _definitely_ tell McLaren what they said so I can prevent him winning another championship. _Absolutely_.”

Then, it’s time for the first qualifying. The free practice session was over two hours ago and he wishes me good luck before I leave the room and make my way to the garage. He knows what he’s talking about when he tells me top ten should be definitely possible for me to reach – he raced in the European Formula Three championship last year and got the offer to go to DTM. And you just don’t say no to such an offer.

Nobody talks to me while I put the rest of my racing gear on – that’s how I prefer it. Silence before I get into the car. It lets me focus on me and the car, I can go through the lap in my thoughts and don’t get disturbed. It’s my second last European Formula Three qualifying ever. Next year I’m going to join GP3 and I can’t wait for the next challenge. So I climb into the car, my race engineer Ben fastens my seatbelts and hands me the steering wheel. A gentle pat on the side port of my car, that’s his way of telling me _‘good luck and please stay safe’_.

I could take it slow. I could give others the chance to prove themselves since I have nothing to lose. I won the championship and nobody can take it away from me. But why should I? I want to finish the season just like I started it, with three victories.

But I didn’t manage to have the perfect lap. The track has changed during the last two hours and I struggled more than I did earlier today. After I almost crashed twice in one of my fast laps, I decided to return to the pits and to not start again, it should be enough for P10 or something and I can somehow live with that. To my surprise, it was actually enough for P2, so everyone else must have struggled more than earlier as well.

\---

After the press conference, I tell them where exactly I struggled and what I felt when I shouldn’t have felt it and they promise me to text me when they know what to change on the setup to prevent this from happening tomorrow as well. Usually, I would spend the whole evening with them and go through everything in detail, but I have other stuff to do.   
Stoffel Vandoorne, McLaren’s third driver and the one who stands between me and the first free practice of a Formula One Grand Prix, announced he would come to celebrate my championship with me and from a source – that isn’t Jenson Button, I have absolutely no idea where that rumour comes from – told me he would give me a small present in the name of the whole McLaren-Honda crew. And I have to make sure to hide from a certain Formula One driver, but that’s none of the team’s business to deal with.

“P2, huh? Well done.” Timo waits in front of Lucas’ and my room and I roll my eyes at him while he pulls me into a fatherly hug. “He’s proud of you.” For a second, I’m confused and want to ask him why he knows that but then I realise he still holds his phone in his left hand and probably live-texted the qualifying for my dear brother. “Thank you”, I mumble and quietly groan under my breath when I see the only goddamn person I didn’t want to see at all standing at the end of the hallway, watching us carefully. “Oh, and congratulations on winning both championships, you did an really amazing job.” Weakly, I smile at Timo and he finally lets me go.

“If you want to watch the races, I can make sure you’re welcome in my garage. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine as well.” I never got to watch both races completely and it’s something I definitely have to do, so I nod and give him another smile. “Sure, I would love to. If it’s alright with you, I would also ask Stoffel because I know he didn’t manage to watch both races completely last year.” He has nothing against it and so I promise him to text him later after I asked my fellow McLaren Junior. Then, he has to leave and I know I can’t escape him now.

“Congratulations, Emilia.” His voice sounds raw and deep, his Dutch accent is a bit thicker than usual. “Thanks, I guess.” Awkwardly, I look down on the ground and mentally pray for someone to show up and save me from this more than weird and awkward situation. But nobody shows up and he comes closer. “It’s not polite to look away when someone’s talking to you”, he mumbles, places his hand under my chin and gently forces me to look at him. “Se-“ His lips on mine stop me from talking and he roughly presses me against the door of Lucas’ and my room.

 


	6. × six ×

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is ... sexual, so obviously NSFW and don't read it if you don't like it a bit harder.

Breathlessly, I pull away and he places not so gentle kisses on my jawline. “We shouldn’t be – fucking’ hell – doing this.” Quietly, I moan and he smirks. “Nobody’s going to find about, I promise.” Before I can protest, he opens the door, gently pushes me inside and locks the door behind himself. “I’m serious, we shouldn’t be doing this”, I repeat myself and swallow when he takes his shirt off. “You worked out.” Blushing hard, I look at him and he gives me a satisfied smile. “Glad you noticed it.”

“If you don’t want this, say the word and I’ll leave you alone”, he whispers while coming closer and he kisses me hungrily. It feels so wrong, but for some reasons, his hands on my arse feel somehow right, so instead of listening to my gut and push him away before I’m too weak, I kiss him back and let him take control over the situation. “Got to leave marks again so everyone knows you belong to someone.” My knees feel like jelly when he sucks on my neck and I can’t help but moan when he leaves hickeys on my sensitive skin. “Max, please”, I whine and clutch to his shirt to hold myself up. “Please what?”

In one single movement, he tears the fireproof underwear off my torso and smirks. “Going out with no bra underneath? Isn’t that a bit risky?” Harshly, he grabs my breasts and kisses me hard, sucking on my lower lip. Weakly, I fist my hand in his hair and he growls against my lips. “Last chance to say the word, princess.” His raw and deep voice gives me goosebumps and I try to get some friction out of rubbing my tight on his. “Seems like someone’s desperate for more.” He helps me getting out of my racing overall as well as the fireproof leggings thingy and licks his lips when I stand in front of him, only wearing panties.

“All mine.” Desperate for something to happen, I kiss him hungrily for more and he wraps his arms around me, my legs lazily wrapped around his waist as he quickly carries me to the small and low table that is usually used for my racing gear. Not so gently, he lays me down and I hiss when my body makes contact with the cold material. “Are you sure you can take it, Em?” Eagerly, I nod and he undresses himself but keeps his Scuderia Toro Rosso shirt on. But before I can ask him why, he tears my panties apart and I watch him in disbelief. “That was one of my favourite panties”, I mumble under my breath and he chuckles. “No worries, if you feel fine after I’m done with you we can go shopping, I always wanted to fuck a girl in a changing room.”

In surprise, I hiss when he slaps my ass and I regret telling him my nipples are quite sensitive when he twists them and makes me moan in pain and pleasure. “This turns you on, huh?” Weakly, I shake my head and he growls, digging his nails into my skin. “Don’t lie to me, princess, I see how wet you are for me.” Smirking, he collects some of my wetness and I push myself against his finger, my clit throbbing with desire. “Max, fuck, please.”  
  
His thumb rubs out slow circles over my clit, adding more and more pressure until I start to squirm away from his touch. Harshly, he grabs my left leg with his free hand, digs his nails into my skin and yanks me towards him and his touch, making sure I can’t escape him a second time. As heat builds up in my core, I bite down on my lip to muffle the volume of my moans, hoping he doesn’t realise I’m close and lets me cum.

But he notices it and pulls his hand away before I can reach my high. Before I can whine in frustration, he lines himself up with my entrance and slams into me. Taken completely by surprise, a gasp falls from my mouth, followed by a moan at the force and lack of warning of his first thrust. “Shut up or this won’t be a secret for long”, he moans and places his hand over my mouth. To not piss him off more, I bite down my lower lip and try to keep my moans as quiet as possible. “Fuckin’ hell, you’re so wet.”

His thrusts are becoming even harder and deeper, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me even wetter that he just takes what he wants. “Got to make sure you remember to whom you belong for weeks”, he growls and changes his rhythm. “Ass up, princess.” To keep my ass in the air, he gives me a warning, dominating glare before taking his hand off my mouth and slapping my ass instead. “Shit, I will, I promise, just please let m-“ “Shut up.” Wincing, I let him pull myself closer and groan in discomfort when he pushes my legs into the direction of my head, giving him a different angle to thrust into me.

As he got closer and closer, his thrusts get sloppier and he doesn’t have a rhythm. With every thrust, I can feel him nudging against my g-spot with is swollen tip which makes me bit down my lip harder, that hard that I can taste blood, but it’s just not enough. Giving me a final thrust, he lets out a loud, almost animistic grunt and releases himself deep inside of me. “You’ll think of me all day”, he moans, slipping out of me and smirking satisfied when I quietly whine. “May I pretty please cum, Max?”, I whisper and in response, he smacks my pussy, his thumb is hitting my clit and I loudly moan at the pleasure and pain it brings me.

“Emilia?” Timo. Fuck. “Yeah?” I literally jump off the table, grab a pair of jogging pants and put them on without cleaning myself up. “Are you okay?” My face turns red and as if the situation isn’t already worse enough, Max feels like slapping my ass and smirks when I wince and bit on my lip to prevent me from letting any more noises leave my mouth. “I … I hit my toe on the small table, but I’m fine.” Quickly, I put a bra and a hoodie on and give the Dutch a pleading glare to not ruin this for me. “Can you please unlock the door?”

So I literally push Max into small bathroom, throw his clothing in there as well, close the door, put some socks on and unlock the door. “Stoffel’s waiting for you outside but I think you should get changed into some jeans first. And are you really sure that you’re fine? I could tell him you don’t feel well or that you need to rest first.” Maybe a bit too fast, I shake my head and give him an assuring smile. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I fell asleep in my racing gear when I wanted to videochat with the girls and I ended up sleeping under Lucas’ and my covers. Tell him I’ll be there in ten, okay?”

A bit sceptical, he nods, ruffles through my hair and leaves me on my own. “You better be dressed so you just can walk out of my room and we can both pretend this has never happened in the first place”, I say and don’t dare to look at him when he comes out of the bathroom. “You’re just pissed because you didn’t get to cum. Well bad girls don’t deserve it, so you better change your attitude or you better get used to it. It’s your choice, princess.” Without looking at him, I can tell he’s smirking and I scoff under my breath. “Seriously, just leave me alone.”

Suddenly, he’s too close for my liking and he kisses my neck, making me whimper. “Can’t wait for the next time, I really like the thought of you being sore because of me.” 


	7. × seven ×

Instead of changing into a pair of jeans as Timo suggested, I decide wearing a way more comfortable leggings and one of my few not-oversized sweater combined with a messy bun. It’s Stoffel after all, he has seen me in loose shirts and boxer shorts so he’s going to survive this as well. And I remember that Max used to say he doesn’t like girls to show off their body, so it’s literally a win-win situation for me. I quickly apply some makeup to cover up the marks he left on me and shower in deo to make sure I don’t smell like him. I’m sore and it’s slightly uncomfortable but it’s going to be fine. I used to survive my period before my brother mentioned the pill at a doctor’s appointment and my doc thought it would make it easier for me to race against boys, so I’ll survive the soreness as well.

“There she is!” With a huge smile plastered on my face, I leave the building and run towards him, ignoring the weak pain. “There he is!” He’s the 2015 GP2 champion and I was able to watch a few of his races, he did an really amazing job. “It’s so good to see you again.” Gently, he hugs me and I hug him back, enjoying his presence.

Twice a year, McLaren-Honda does some kind of a training camp for their juniors and well, he’s the oldest, the most experienced one and for some reasons, they always make me work with him. It’s not that I don’t like it, I just think it would maybe make more sense for me to work with someone who’s on my level and not on a higher one. On the other hand, it’s quite cool because we usually finish the tasks way too early and can hang out while the others are still working on the tasks.

“Did you miss me?”, he asks, smiling cheekily and I chuckle. “Of course, it’s boring to hang out in the hallway wearing boxer shorts and a loose shirt on my own.” Laughing, he ruffles through my hair and I roll my eyes at him. “So … why exactly are you here? I mean nobody’s going to visit the last GP2 race weekend to congratulate you on winning the championship or did I miss something?”

Again, he pulls me close and I can feel his breath on my skin. “They just want to make sure everyone is aware of the fact you belong to us. Toto, Christian and Maurizio are interested in you, even though they know you’re a member of the McLaren-Honda Young Driver Programme. Christian and Maurizio apparently both feel responsible for you and Toto always tells the story of how Michael told them to offer you a place in their Junior Programme but by the time they realized your talent you were already taken and stuff.”

Oh yeah, right, the story with Michael. Whenever I visit my brother and I meet Toto there, he mentions it. Apparently, when Michael and Norbert Haug chatted somewhen after his retirement in 2006, he dropped the hint that there was a talented girl that could really need some professional help to show her real talent. The girl he talked about was me, obviously. But at that time, they just smiled at him and told him they would watch me – which they never did.   
When I won the Formula Four Spanish Championship and the ADAC Formula Masters Championship in my first year of Junior Formula series, they decided to offer me a place in their Junior Programme, but by then, I had been a member of the McLaren Young Driver Programme for a few years. 

“And that’s why you have to spend one of you rare free weekends here? Wow, I’m sorry, this really sucks.” He shrugs and keeps me close to him. “No need to be sorry, I’m glad to be here. It’s better than watching my drunk friends doing shit that’s only funny when you’re drunk while I nip on my water.” Okay, that even makes sense. “So what is the plan for today? Is there even a plan?” Chuckling, he ruffles through my hair again and wraps an arm around me. “I’ve got a present for you. From the whole McLaren-Honda team and your fellow McLaren-Honda Young Driver Programme members.”

His wide smile is confusing me since the usual presents from McLaren-Honda are money, VIP Tickets to a Formula One race with the paddock pass or in Stoffel’s case being allowed to drive the first practice session of a Formula One Grand Prix, but none of those presents explains his wide and slightly creepy smile. “You know I don’t need presents to give my best, right?” Now he smiles even wider than before and I groan when he hands me a blindfold. “Seriously?”

“It’s too big to be wrapped so you need to put the blindfold on if you want to find out what your present is.” Eyes rolling, I somehow manage to put the blindfold without his help on and he gently leads me through what feels like the entire paddock for at least two times before he stops and chuckles to himself.

“So if you’re ready, you can take it off”, he mumbles in my ear and I nod, quickly taking it off and gasp when I see an orange McLaren 570S in front of me. “It’s not a secret you love fast cars and since you’re not allowed to drive yet, we thought you might like driving a really fast car on a circuit you know only too well. On your 18th birthday, it’s going to be yours as a thank you for everything you’ve done for McLaren-Honda and especially the Young Driver Programme. Until then, Jenson’s going to keep an eye on it.”

Quickly, I hug him and beam with happiness. “Thank you so so so so so so so much! Can I drive it like … now?” In excitement, I run to the car, open the door and sit down. “Of course, I’ll just let Charlie know.” In awe, I look around and smile as wide as he did earlier. This is amazing and definitely better than VIP tickets to a Formula One race with the paddock pass.

A few minutes later, Stoffel sits down on the co-driver’s seat and smirks. “We’ve got the track for half an hour and he would appreciate it if you don’t crash.” With that comment, he hands me the keys and I almost get an speedgasm just alone from starting the engine. “You’re the best, seriously mate.” 


	8. × eight ×

n the middle of the night, someone knocks on my door. At first, I hoped it was just a prank, but whoever it is just doesn’t go away. So I sleepily stand up, yawn and make my way to the door. When I open the door, it takes me a bit to adjust to the cruel light in the hallway and it takes a bit for me to realize who is standing in front of me. “Mick Schumacher, I expected everyone but not you.” It seems to be serious, given that he knows I have a race and a qualifying to do, so I let him in and close the door behind him. 

“What’s going on that you feel like waking me up in the middle of the night?”, I ask him, turning the bedside lamp on and lay down in my precious, warm bed again. “Well I was nearby and I asked your brother where you’re staying an-“ “If you just wanted to catch up, that could have been done tomorrow after the race, so what’s so serious, huh?”

He takes a deep breath and sits down next to me. “There’s going to be a gala tomorrow, from Merc. My mom wants me to go and I know it’s probably the right thing to do, but I don’t want to show up on my own. So uh … do you want to be my date for tomorrow night?” Whenever Michael and my brother both were invited to a gala or a fancy dinner or something like that and one of them had to bring him or me, they always made sure the other one came as well so he was always my date and I was his. “I would make sure it’s alright for McLaren if I show up at a Merc gala but it shouldn’t be a problem for them, so yes, I would love to be your date for tomorrow night.”

In relief, he sighs and I chuckle. “So then we’ll have to go shopping after you’re finished, I don’t think you have a dress here, do you?” I smile at him and ruffle through his hair. “I could ask Hanna if she has a dress that’s appropriate for a gala at my parent’s place. They use his old room to keep his suits and her dresses neat and tidy so maybe we have luck and my dad can drop it off during the race or something like that.” It’s not unusual for her and me to share clothes and it’s actually quite funny to do so with my brother’s fiancée. “Sure, ask her, it would make it definitely easier for us.” Quickly, he hands me my phone and kisses my cheek.

To: H  
Hey, do you have a dress at my parents’ place I could borrow for a gala thingy?

“Does your brother know about him?” Confused, I look at him until I realise he can see the marks on my neck. “Oh fuck no, he would kill him and lock me up or something like that.” Slightly, I blush and he nods. “Okay, understood. So if someone asks, I’ll just say those marks are mine.” Thankfully, I look at him and that’s one thing I really like about him: he understands the struggles of being related to one of the most – in his case _the_ most – successful driver(s) in the history in Formula One. He understands that sometimes there’s just nothing you can do expect lying to people you usually don’t want to lie to. “Well I hope I can cover them all up but in case it doesn’t work … thanks.”

Mick shrugs it off and carefully wraps an arm around me. “Was it him again?” After I woke up in Max’ apartment, naked, with marks covering my whole body, I called the only person I could think of – him. So he knows more than I probably want him to, but it’s alright, because it’s Mick.

It’s Mick who used to visit me in hospital and always recorded the Formula One races so we could watch them together in my hospital bed.  
It’s Mick who used to visit me in hospital and always sneaked in some sweets or some other kind of food after he found out I didn’t really like the hospital food.  
It’s Mick who wanted to shave his hair because I felt insecure without mine.  
It’s Mick who cancelled his 10th birthday party to stay at home in case the test was positive and the cancer would have been back.

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it, not at all, but he just … ugh, I wish I could hate him. For real.” Gently, he plays with my hair and I close my eyes, enjoying the presence of an old friend. “So you still love him?”, he whispers and it feels weird to talk about Max with him. “Guess so, but I’m not that sure anymore.”

We enjoy each others company for a while and it feels so good to be with him. “I always knew you would graduate from karting earlier than me.” It seems so random after everything we talked about, but it isn’t. That’s how our conversations always are. “Really? Why?” Quietly, he chuckles and pulls me a bit closer. “Because you, my dear, have an undeniable talent. While I and most others need a year or two to adjust to the new kart, to the new car, to the new rules, whatever, you don’t. Remember when you kart was destroyed in that crash before the grand final of the German Junior Kart Championship in 2013? My dad somehow managed to organize a new kart for you so you could win the championship but it was completely different to the one you were used to. Nobody expected you to win with that kart, but you did. You had two laps or so to get used to the kart before the race and it was enough for you.”

I smile at the memories, it was the only championship my brother saw me winning and it was the second last time I saw Michael before his accident. “At that time, I was jealous because it seemed like my dad was prouder of you than he had ever been of me, but now I understand why.”

 


	9. × nine ×

“Second in race one, winner in race two and pole for tomorrow, huh? Well done.” Stoffel waits in front of the media room when I come out after the second press conference of the day and high five him. “Yeah, hope I can win again tomorrow to finish the season with a good weekend.” Smiling, he ruffles through my hair and I begin to think he has a hair fetish or something like that.

“I heard you’re going to the gala tonight”, he blurts out and gives me a questioning, slightly sceptical glare as I scoff under my breath. “Yeah, with Mick. He didn’t want to go alone and I like food, so it’s a win-win situation. He has a date for the night and I am allowed to cheat on a non-cheat day.” Laughing, he nods and we go downstairs together. “Okay, that even makes sense.”

On our way to my garage, we have to stop a few times, take photos with fans and sign whatever they want us to. Sometimes it can be a bit annoying, but it’s a part of the job and so you have to get used to it sooner or later anyways. When I see Timo standing near my garage, I excuse myself and quickly walk over to him.

“Congratulations on P3, your race was amazing”, I tell him and he smiles. “Thanks, you did an amazing job as well. Heard you struggled with understeering?” Eyes rolling, I nod and shrug. “They should know why I was understeering by now.”

For everyone else, it is supposed to seem like smalltalk, but I know he didn’t wait for me just to congratulate me. “Another message from my dear brother who seems to text everyone expect me back?”, I whisper and he shakes his head, making me sigh in relief. Thanks god, that’s the very last thing I need today.

“RTL asked me to join their team as an expert for Brazil and Abu Dhabi.” It’s nothing new to me, my brother mentioned it a few times during the rare amount of videochats we do, so I nod and he sighs. “They also asked me if I could think of a junior driver to bring with me, for another point of view.”

By now, I can imagine what he wants to talk about and it’s definitely not a good thing. For everyone else it would probably be an honour to be there and stuff, but for me, it’s just an unnecessary extra risk. “And I thought of you. Your brother would be fine with it, I think he actually likes the idea of having you there and your dad offered to come with you. Your school would send you your homeworks and tasks your classmates did during the lesson via mail and RTL offered to organize a private teacher for you.”

It’s an amazing opportunity, that’s out of question, but is it worth the risk. “Oh, and Stoffel has something to tell you as well.” Confused, I turn around, only to see the Belgian standing behind me, smiling as wide as yesterday. “Well, your brother asked McLaren-Honda if it would be alright with them and given your amazing achievements this year, Jenson would like offer you his car for FP1 in Brazil and Abu Dhabi. Nando and Jense are both quite old and they want us both to be ready for the worst-case scenario.” Knowing I can’t say no to that, he smiles cheekily at me and I literally jump into his arms in excitement.

“I absolutely can’t say no to FP1 and I can’t say no to discuss with Niki and protecting everyone who isn’t Lewis Hamilton, so count me the hell in, mate.”

\---

My dad dropped of the dress Hanna wore when my brother won his third championship. And I decide to not further question the choice since someone – my mom, my dad or Hanna – had a good reason for giving me that dress. He also dropped off some jewellery my sisters left at home and the necklace my brother bought me from his very first Formula One pay check. Because I was afraid of losing it, I left it at home, hidden under my mattress.

To my own surprise, I managed to cover up every single mark a certain Dutch guy left on my body and the soreness still reminds me of what happened yesterday. It can’t happen again, that’s for sure.

Someone knocks on my door, I quickly grab the necklace and a plain, silver watch as well as a white purse and open the door. “Em, you look so beautiful.” Mick smiles at me and I hug him carefully, not wanting to stain his fancy looking suit with the camouflage I used. “You don’t look that bad yourself.” Cheekily, I smile at him and he laughs. “Thanks, I’ll just take that as a compliment. Ready to go?”

On our way to the car that’s going to bring us to the gala, we meet a few of my crew members and they all compliment me on my look. They absolutely don’t need to know that I needed two hours for my makeup and my hair and had to watch what feels like hundredths of YouTube tutorials to figure out what to do with the tons of products in front of me, it just better stays a secret.

“When you were younger you always said you would never wear high heels”, he mumbles and I slightly blush at the memories of all the galas, presentation ceremonies and dinners we spend together and how I always bragged that I would never wear those uncomfortable looking shoes. “Well … I decided to not torture myself with ass and leg workout, so I gotta wear heels so everyone believes I do torture myself with that.” Awkwardly, I chuckle and he opens the main door for me. “In case you want to get rid of those not comfortable looking shoes, I have a spare pair of white sneakers.”

A limo waits outside of the hotel and I give him a sceptical glare. “You rented a limo for those few kilometres to the location and back?”, I ask him and he places a soft kiss on my forehead before opening the door to the passenger seats and makes sure I get in without showing anyone my panties before getting in as well and sitting down next to me. “Actually, my mom made me do this. Because you missed almost every ball at school and because I skipped almost every ball at school and stuff. Just enjoy it, alright?”

Corinna and my mom definitely chat a bit too much about him and me for my liking, but that doesn’t matter for tonight. So I kiss his cheek and smile when he wraps an arm around me and plays with my fingers while looking out of the window. Tonight’s going to be a good one. 


	10. × ten ×

Five minutes later, we arrive at the location, he gets out of the limo and helps me to get out. Sure, I could do it on my own, but I didn’t walk in this shoes for at least a few months, so I’m thankful for any help I can get. “Thanks”, I mumble and he smirks. “You’re welcome, gorgeous.” Playfully, I roll my eyes and take his hand as we enter the building.

“Emilia! Mick! I’m so glad you’re here”, welcomes us Toto warmly, shakes hands with Mick and obviously has to hug me. “Thanks for letting me be his date”, I return and he chuckles. “You are always welcomed.” Quickly, he looks around, making sure Niki isn’t near us and smiles. “So you’re going to sit at my table, it’s the table with the most distance to the one Niki is seated at.”

Niki’s and my relationship is _special_. Really special and nerve-wreaking. Whenever he says something, I instinctively disagree and the other way around. I do respect him as a driver, but it’s complicated for him as the expert for RTL since he usually makes Lewis look good and everyone else look bad – at least that’s how I see it. And obviously, Toto doesn’t want us to discuss about god and the world, so the best thing he can do is to make sure we simply don’t meet until Mick and I have to leave.

“Oh, is Susie here as well?”, I ask, knowing Hanna is at home and might babysit their kids. “No, the flue’s going around and she didn’t feel well this morning so I told her to stay at home and have a movie day with the kids. Hanna offered to take them but we didn’t want her to take them because of Matilda.” Matilda is not even two months and everyone just loves her. “Oh, I hope she gets better soon!”

It seems like we were some of the latest guests to arrive since the starter is served not even ten minutes after we sat down. While most guests have a good smelling soup in front of them, I am served a salad and Mick laughs at my frustrated expression. “You shouldn’t be laughing, I crave some proper food so you better be prepared to share your main dish with me. And your desert, obviously.”

Toto laughs and I dramatically shake my head, stealing the bread from my date’s plate. “Why didn’t you tell the kitchen he’s also on a diet?”, I mumble when no one else pays us attention and he shrugs. “He doesn’t have a race tomorrow and his season is over, so there was no reason for me to tell them he’s on a diet.” That even makes somehow sense and so I nod and order my second Coca Cola for the night.

I missed going on events like this one with Mick, I almost forgot how good it feels to socialize with people who mostly know who my brother is and who couldn’t care less about my relation to the four-times Formula One champion. “How is ADAC Formula Four going?”, Norbert asks Mick and he grabs my hand under the table, a sign that tells me he’s not that happy with this topic.

“Good, I guess. Next season should be better with Prema and it’s a lot new to deal with, the cars are completely different to drive than the karts I am used to.” Slightly, I blush, remembering how he complimented me last night for being able to adjust to new situations and new karts or cars easily. “Must be frustrating.”

“Well, I think he’s doing an amazing job. It was his first season with using his real surname which added way more pressure and way more expectations from other people”, I comment, giving Norbert my sweetest smile which is reserved for rude or stupid statements. “When will you use your real surname?” Oh great, the only stupid question I don’t have an even more stupid answer for. “Whenever they decide I am ready for it. Or when my dear brother decides he’s ready for comparisons of him and me and stuff.”

Sceptically, he looks at me and I shrug. “Doesn’t it bother you?” Of course it does. I hate lying to my best friends because my brother doesn’t think I’m mature enough for being known as his sister. I hate telling them stupid excuses why they can’t meet my family, I hate thinking of reasons why most of the current Formula One drivers know and greet me.

But I can’t change it at the moment, so I have to deal with it - for my career's sake. “Why shouldn’t it bother me? The expectations are so high that it wouldn’t matter. Some think because I am a girl I have to prove myself hundredths of times more than a dude my age. So using my real surname wouldn’t change that much because I know I can’t fulfil all those expectations.”

The main dish is served and I don’t know what’s on my plate but it looks healthy. “Do you want to have some of my fries, gorgeous?”, Mick asks me and I roll my eyes at the stupid nickname before nodding. “Sure.” He moves his plate a bit closer to me and I give him a thankful smile before trying that healthy stuff on my plate. It’s okay, it’s not as good as the steak the others have, but I’ve eaten worse so I can live with it for now and I know he won’t eat most of his fries because he doesn’t like them that much, so I can still have some fatty food.

Afterwards, it’s time for the photos – Toto probably had to bring it forwards since he knows we can’t stay much longer – and it’s fun. At first, we do a group photo and then, it’s time for smaller group photos. For one photo, Niki and I say literally nothing to not start a war before the dessert and it surprises me how many people actually think Mick and I are a couple. As long as it makes them sleep at night, I really don’t care what they think about me, so I let him do the talking since he knows most people better than I do.

“Let’s post that pic later, it’s really cute.” Chuckling, I look at the photo he wants to share with the world and nod. “I look kinda weird but sure, let’s post it. Two hours until the first rumours of us being together.” He thinks it takes four hours until the first rumours of us being a couple are online – it’s something we always do and it’s fun to wake up to a message of him with a screenshot of his WhatsApp chats and the amount of “are you and Mick dating?” questions I get.

Then, it’s time for the dessert. While I don’t even get one, they get some cake and ice cream and somehow, I end up with the ice cream from everyone who’s sitting at my table. Not that I would complain about having so so much chocolate ice cream. “Smile, gorgeous.” Eyes rolling, I look at Mick and chuckle while he takes pictures of me. “Why?” Shrugging, he sits down and makes one of those awful pictures his new lock screen. “Why not? You look beautiful as always.”

Definitely too soon, it’s time for us to leave before the charity part starts, but he promises Toto to give some money to a charity project of his choice. Like always when we do something together, he brings me up to my room and after unlocking the door, taking my shoes off and throwing them into my dark room, I hug him. “Thanks for the amazing night, the fries and the ice cream.” He chuckles and pulls me closer. “Thanks for being my date for the amazing night, Em.” I kiss his cheek and smile at him. “Good night, Mick.” “Sweet dreams, gorgeous.” Gently, he places a kiss on my forehead, gives me a really adorable smile, turns around and leaves.

Instead of going to bed like I am supposed to do, I grab the keys, close the door and make my way up to the roof. I just can’t sleep now, I need a bit time to calm down and to focus on tomorrow, and the easiest and best way to do so is sitting on the roof and watching the sky. 

My brother used to do it with me when I was in hospital and strong enough to go outside for a bit, we sneaked out when he stayed with me for the night and watched the stars until I fell asleep. And I got to wear his clothes to keep me warm as well as his beanie.

Sighing, I close the door behind me, not wanting to cause more noises than necessary and take a deep breath. It’s chilly, maybe a bit too chilly for the dress I am wearing, but it’s fine, I don’t want to stay here for long.

“You look stunning.” Wincing in surprise, I turn around, only to look it Max’s eyes. “What are you doing here?”, I mumble, quickly looking away and swallowing hard. This is absolutely not how this amazing night was supposed to end. “Actually, I was waiting for you.” He’s coming closer and I literally run the few meters back to the door.

“Why would _you_ wait for _me_?” The question is stupid, but I don’t care. “Last time we were interrupted rudely before I cou-“ “No, the interruption was the best thing that could have happened. Just … just please stay away from me, for your own sake and for mine. If someone finds out, it’s going to be the end of your career and the end of my life in freedom.” 


	11. × eleven ×

The next morning, I wake up to someone sitting down on my bed. Groaning, I turn around and hope to make it obvious I am currently preferring sleep over socialising, but it seems like my opinion doesn’t really matter as he takes my blanket and chuckles as I try to keep myself warm with my pillow as my new blanket. “What are you doing here?”, I mumble sleepily and he scoffs under his breath. “Am I not allowed to visit my little sister’s race?” Quickly, I shake my head and cheekily grin. “No, you’re not allowed to. The last time you watched a race of mine live, I needed a new kart.”

Laughing, he ruffles through my hair and I look at him. “But seriously, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Austin and prepare yourself for the next race?” Shrugging, he plays with my hair and smiles cheekily. “I asked Maurizio and when he heard about Verstappen, he just couldn’t say no. Would be unfair if a rookie is allowed to travel on his free weekend and a four times Formula One champion isn’t.” The way he says it tells me he acted like a drama queen to make Maurizio agree on this ridiculous idea. “But Verstappen doesn’t have a reputation he needs to take care of.”

Eyes rolling, he hands me my phone and I give him a confused and asking glare. “Excuse me, he’s a _rookie_. He needs to prove himself. If I mess up a race, it’s not that bad because everyone knows my car is a piece of – a pos. By the way, Mick asked me to remind you of the photo you still have to post. Don’t ask me, I have no idea what’s going on and I prefer it this way.” Mentally, I slap myself for forgetting to post the photo when I was back in my room, unlock my phone and quickly look for said photo.

“What kind of gala was it?”, he asks as I caption it with “ _@mickschmuacher #nowearenotdating #hejustneededadateforthenightandIlovefood #bestdatesince2004 #itwasabestfriendsnightokay_ ” and upload it to Instagram and Twitter. “Merc gala for an anniversary I don’t remember.” Quickly, I like his photo he uploaded when he was back at his hotel and comment a red heart.

“Was it fun?” Smiling at the memories of last night, I nod and he chuckles. “That’s good. Excited for the race?” Shrugging, I open the chat between Mick and myself and chuckle while typing a text. “It’s just weird because it’s the first time I know for sure it’s going to be my last race in this Junior Formula series.”

 _To: Mick_  
Do you know how long it took them to have the first rumour about us being online?

 _From: Mick_  
1 hours and 45 minutes, next time I’ll beat your ass.

 _To: Mick_  
My ass can't wait to be beaten by you or more likely watch you lose again. ;)

 _From: Mick_  
Love you too, gorgeous.

 _To: Pascal_  
Happy birthday, champ! Remember to not drink champagne before the race and don’t start the party without me. See you later x

“Oh come on, Em, it’s not going to stop you from beating them, is it? Sure, it’s weird, I totally get that, but it should also be a huge relief as you already know where you’ll race next season. So you don’t have to prove yourself like others might have to.”

\---

After breakfast, the first team meeting of the day, a quick chat with Stoffel, it’s almost time for the last race of the season. He’s going to watch it with Timo and Matthias and I can’t deny the fact that it makes me nervous that he’s here to see me racing. “Good luck”, says Stoffel as I leave the garage and I give him a weak smile. “Thanks, hopefully I won’t need it.” Starting from pole, I simply hope to have a good start and a good race with some battles against Charles and Antonio who are starting from P2 and P3.

“Nervous?”, he asks and shrugging, I sigh. “It’s just weird, having _him_ here. And it’s low-key freaking me out that _he_ didn’t give me a real reason why _he’_ s here and why _he’_ s watching me, you know? Not even a ‘well I’m your brother and I didn’t watch you race in years, so I thought it would be appropriate to do so again’ or something like that.”

Gently, he pulls me into a close hug and smiles. “Don’t worry, Em, you’ll be doing amazing. There’s no need to worry because as soon as you sit in your car, it won’t matter at all that he’s here. All what matters will be you and the car, like it always does. Don’t let his presence freak you out.” Slightly, I nod and take a deep breath. “You’re right. Thanks, man.”

Before he can answer, I leave the garage and quickly approach my car. My mechanics are preparing it like usual and I smile, it’s a sunny day. The race should be a good one. “Emilia!” Quickly, I turn around and see Charles standing in a safe distance to my car. “Last time we’re racing against each other for now, huh?” Chuckling, I walk over to him and nod. “Yeah, last time for now.” We both announced that we will race in another Formula series, but as there’s nothing official to announce, it seems like he’s also still talking to different Formula series at the moment. “Expect we both end up in the same series next year again. Totally by accident, obviously.”

Shrugging, I smile at him and he laughs quietly. “We’ll have to wait and see if we end up in the same series next year, but it kind of wouldn’t surprise me if we do.” It happened in the past, that we both said our goodbyes and dramatically talked about missing each other on the track next season and a few weeks later, we figured out we would actually race against each other in the following year in a different series as well.

“It would be cool, knowing a rival and her weaknesses.” Eyes rolling, I laugh and shake my head. “Being pissed off because someone knocks on my door for like hundred times is not a weakness of mine, I was tired and had to study and you were disturbing me.” Charles scoffs under his breath and smiles cheekily at me. “Whatever you say, mi bella.”

“Em!” Pascal shouts and I roll my eyes – as a Merc driver, he usually just walks past my garage really quick and makes me come to him so it doesn’t seem as he is spying on my team. “Yeah?” Charles chuckles and I sigh quietly. "Sorry, he’s just trying to prevent some spying rumours”, I mumble quietly so only he can hear it and continue to speak louder, “you can come in, it’s not like spying would help anyone now.” And even if it did, it wouldn’t be my problem at all.

Sceptically, my fellow German enters my garage slowly and I can’t help but laugh at him. “I believe you two never really met before, did you? Charles, this is Pascal, this year’s DTM champion – and the youngest one ever as well as today’s birthday boy – and Pascal, this is my all-time favourite rival who thinks being pissed off because someone knocks on one’s door for like hundred times is a weakness.” He knows the story – _maybe_ because he was in my room at that time – so he doesn’t need more details to know who’s standing in front of you.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Charles, but your brother asked me to tell him to meet h- oh, never mind.” While he speaks, my brother enters the garage and I frown. This is not good. I never had the chance to tell the Monegasque my secret. “Emilia Lo-“, surprised, he stares at us and swallows, “why didn’t you answer my texts? Meet me when you’re done here, alright? I’ll wait in your room.”

Confused and shocked, Charles looks between him and I and as he nods at Pascal and they both leave my garage, it’s only the two of us and my crew. “You never told me …”, he begins and I nod weakly. “Look, I really wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t allowed to and when Ferrari and you started talking I thought it might better for you to not now it until you’re a part of the family.”

“Fuck, I-I need to get some fresh air.” Loudly, I sigh and want to explain myself, but he walks away and as it’s almost time to get into the car, I decide to give him some time and to talk to him after the race. And so I just do what I always do before a race, I sit down somewhere in the garage with my crew preparing my car a few meters away from me and go through the whole race. The start, the first corner, how to make sure nobody manages to overtake me in the first lap, the pit stop, just through every single lap to be honest.

KnowingI just ignored my brother’s request to meet him in the room, I take a deep breath and chuckle slightly at the thought of Lucas entering the shared dressing room and my brother expecting me to enter, not a Mercedes DTM driver dude he barley knows. “Em? It’s time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions anyone? Drama's coming soon ... ;) Would be boring if it wasn't.


	12. × twelve ×

I hate the time before a race starts. Being on the grid with people wanting to talk to me, wanting to interview me or just wanting to take selfies with me – it makes it impossible for me to truly focus on the race. And the fact that my brother is only meters away from me, talking to Pascal and watching me closely, absolutely doesn’t make it better at all. As usual, my crew quietly keeps an eye on me as I try to seem so focused that one does not want to disturb me.

I’m going to miss the crew, I’m going to miss how amazingly we worked together to win that title, I’m going to miss the evenings, nights and early mornings we spend together. But GP3 will be a new challenge and I simply can’t wait. Usually, Antonio, Charles and I high-five each other before getting into our cars, but Charles obviously doesn’t want to face me right now and the Italian gives me a confused glare, so I decide to better let it be.   
  
Timo approaches me and tells me to enjoy the race and to kick some arses for the last time and nodding, I tell him to wait with the champagne for me and slowly walk back to my crew as I was walking around to seem focused and too busy to talk. “There you are, are you ready for your very last race in European Formula Three?” Quickly, I nod, put on my racing gear and climb into my car – closely watched my by brother and a dude I do not want to mention at all. As usual, Ben fastens my seatbelts, gently pats my shoulder and leaves the track.

This is it. This is the very last F3 race. This is the very last time in a F3 car for me. And it’s the very first F3 race without the high-five from my two fave rivals. The lights turn red and I take a last deep breath before they turn green and my last F3 race has officially begun.

My start was okayish, I got to defend my position against Charles and Antonio, but I expected it to be better. Due to a quite nasty crash right after the start, the safety car had to come out and it’s just so frustrating to drive so slow when you know you could go so much faster.

To everyone’s surprise, the safety car stays out for almost twenty laps, giving me a lot of time to go through the restart again and again. I do not want to lose my place to one of the two idiots behind me – even though they tend to be faster at a restart than I am. “Safety car comes in next lap, safety car comes in next lap. Remember, as the leader you’re the one to decide the pace.”

“Finally”, I mumble under my breath as I cross the line and take a deep breath. The outcome of this lap might be deciding the race, so I have to make the best out of it. “How are your tyres?”, asks Ben and I roll my eyes. “Ask me once I’m driving faster again.”

Finally, the safety car comes in and I take over the lead. Instead of speeding up and trying to get a gap between me and the two lads behind me, I focus on warming up my tyres correctly so I am ready to fight for the victory.

But suddenly, just after the last corner, I can’t change gears. “Guys, I’m stuck in gear two, can you have a look at that?” Charles, Antonio and a car I don’t instantly recognise – so it’s someone who’s usually fighting for a podium finish are coming closer and closer and I simply can’t drive away from them as I am supposed to do.

“Emilia, I’m sorry but it seems to be a serious issue. Please park your car somewhere save and get out of it as fast as possible.” Frustrated, I scream into my helmet with the team radio turned off before slowly driving to the right side of the track. And then, a car hits me. It hits me in such an angle and with such a speed that my car goes up in the air.

Ground. Sky. Ground. Sky. Barrier. Ground. Barrier. That’s all I see and I close my eyes, praying to God and to my stillborn triplet to please make sure I get out of this in one piece.

“Emilia? Emilia, are you okay?” Breathing hurts. No matter how weakly I breathe, it hurts and I slowly open my eyes. That’s not the ground I see, but it’s also not the sky nor a barrier so what the hell is in front of my eyes? “For God’s sake, are you okay?” I want to answer Ben, I really do, but I can’t. “Come on, answer me. Please, Emilia, let me you’re alive.” Swallowing hurts as well. Literally everything hurts. My mouth is dry as the Sahara desert and I feel like passing out any seconds. “Someone T-boned her car, what he did was suicidal.”

I hear people coming closer, I can feel them trying to move my car. Every small movement hurts, my whole body is in pain and I close my eyes, feeling myself slowly drifting off into the darkness.

* * *

 

Dazed, I slightly open my eyes and quietly groan in pain and discomfort. “She’s my sister!”, I hear someone yell and the voice is familiar to me, but I can’t make out the person. My head feels so unbelievable heavy and I can’t open my eyes or move my fingers to let them know I can hear them. “Sir, with all respect, there’s no place for you in the helicopter.” Someone mutters something quietly and before I can ask what’s going on, I drift off into the darkness again, my head feeling heavier with every passing second.

* * *

 

Sebastian just finished talking Norbert when he looked at the huge scree in the Mercedes garage he was visiting at the moment, freezing at the sight of a totally car. It must be someone else and not his sister, right? “Emilia? Emilia, are you okay?” The team radio hit him in the guts, making him feel dizzy and unwell. And the fact that they didn’t show an answer of her but showed him at the garage instead definitely didn’t make it better.

So he ran. 

He ran to the straight, close to turn one and watched them pushing someone’s totally destroyed car away from Emilia’s, he watched them getting her out of the car and that’s when it hit him. He might lose her. He might lose his little sister because that stubborn idiot didn’t take care – he should have seen her car slowing down.

Quickly, he followed some Marshalls and felt his knees becoming week when he saw her lifeless body. “She’s my sister!”, he yelled, adrenaline rushing through his body as he heard the helicopter landing. “Please, let me come with her, she’s my sister!”

A Marshall looked at him and shaked his head weakly. “Sir, with all respect, there’s no place for you in the helicopter.” In disbelief, he stared at the man and a chocked sob passed his lips, flashbacks overcoming him. “But I need to go with her, please, I can’t lose her!”

And suddenly, the flashbacks from her fight against childhood cancer hit him hard.  
He remembers coming home from school, his older sister waiting for him with red eyes and dried tears on her cheek.   
He remembers screaming at her to slow down because he was sure they would crash if she continued to drive like that.   
He remembers entering the familiar hospital hallway, the nurses who usually greeted him happily only gave him weak smiles as they passed him.   
He remembers opening the door to his little, precious sister’s hospital room, expecting her to greet him like she always did, whining until everyone allowed him to sit on her bed.   
But she didn’t greet him. She wasn’t even in here room which basically never happened on her appointments-free day.   
He remembers seeing his parents sitting on the chairs next to the empty bed, his mom sobbing quietly as she watched him looking around confused.  
“The doctors said they’re not sure whether she’s going to survive the day.”   
He remembers breaking out in tears in his sisters arm, begging her to do something, to not let his little sister die.   
He remembers taking the bus to the hospital straight after school for a few weeks, always worried that he was too late to see her one last time.   
He remembers seeing her lifeless, tiny body laying in the hospital bed, connected to all the machines placed around her bed.

“Sebastian.” Timo’s voice made him wince in surprise and he realized the helicopter already took off – without him. “Y-yeah?”, he croaked out, trying to not cry in public. “You know you have to keep calm, you need to be strong for her sake.” His friend gently leads him away from the track, into the DTM driver’s caravan where he, Pascal, Matthias and Lucas were playing some video games.

“She’s going to be alright, I promise you she’s going to be okay”, Pascal said quietly as he gave her brother a comforting smile. “She’s a fighter.” For a few seconds, it was completely silent, only his sobs breaking through it. “Guys, I can’t lose her, I just can’t lose her”, he whispers, his voice shaking and his German accent being thicker than usual. “You won’t lose her, mate, you won’t.”

Meanwhile, Britta already organised everything and picked him up from Timo’s caravan only a few minutes later. She organised a taxi to take him to the hospital while she would take care of the rest here at the track, knowing he wanted to be there when she’d come out of surgery. So he sat in the taxi, earning questioning glares from the driver as he quietly sobbed during the whole drive and quickly texted his family and close friends and promised to keep them updated.

His father already sat in the waiting area when he arrived, giving him a weak, tired and worried smile. “Nothing. She’s stable and in surgery, that’s all they knew.” Slightly, he nodded and sat down next to him, prepared for waiting a few hours. “How did it happen? I was on the phone with your mother when Fabian called me and told me to come to the hospital as soon as possible because she had a quite serious crash.”

Sebastian’s hands were shaking when he thought back to the moment when he saw the totally destroyed car on the screen. “I have no idea, I only know that someone else crashed into her and that she went up into the air, I didn’t see it happening and then I had better things to do than watching a repetition of the crash.”

As they heard a callout for someone to get some blood preservations for someone with the blood type O - , which was her blood type, Sebastian felt demoted back in time and couldn’t help but sob quietly. “She’s a fighter, Seb, we didn’t lose her back then and we won’t lose her now.”

* * *

“Sebastian?” Groaning, he opens his eyes and sleepily looks at the person standing in front of him. “What are you doing here, Pascal? You’re supposed to get drunk and celebrate your birthday and being the new and youngest DTM champion ever”, he mumbles and yawns quietly. “I wanted to check on you. And her, but since she’s still in surgery … also we cancelled the party. It didn’t feel right to celebrate while she’s fighting in here. You guys were supposed to celebrate it with me.” It’s dark outside and if he’s completely honest, he doesn’t even want to know how many hours he already spend here.

“That’s really thoughtful of you. But you shouldn’t spend your birthday in here. Get drunk, man. You deserve it.” Those words pass his lips so easily and sighing quietly, he looks at his father who fell asleep while reading the newspapers for the hundredths time. “You two should get some sleep, I’ll wait here for the doctors to come out of surgery.” They met because of her, because she couldn’t stop talking about that young Merc driver who looked so good and who was so cute and adorable and the memories of the talks she and he had about motorsport hit him hard.

Maybe a bit too fast, he shakes his head and yawns again. “No, no, it’s fine. We’re used to it. And as I already said, go and celebrate your birthday and being a DTM champion. She’s going to be alright.” It was meant to sound optimistic, but it didn’t. “Mate, I’m serious. You have a family to take care and it doesn’t look comfortable how your father sleeps. Emilia wouldn’t want you to crash on your way to the hotel or back home because you didn’t get enough sleep since you were too stubborn to let someone help you.”

Pascal’s probably right and his father’s sleeping position doesn’t look comfortable as well. “Alright, alright, you win. But only because I don’t want to start an argument on your birthday.” Slowly, he stands up and groans in discomfort, he’s definitely too old for spending his nights on the cold floor of the waiting area in a hospital. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Weakly, he smiles to himself, truly believing he does the right thing, until the young German takes their place and promises him and his father to text them as soon as she’d be out of surgery. But then, when he leaves the building, it feels so wrong. 

What if something goes wrong? He can’t lose her, he just can’t. He needs to be there when she’d be out of surgery. They lost Jules not that long ago and it still hurts him thinking about him and the young, talented man who had to leave too soon. “I can’t do this”, he mumbles as his father calls a taxi to bring them back to the hotel.

The surgery’s taking way too long, something must have gone wrong, he might actually lose her in his sleep! “Are you coming?”, Norbert asks him and he shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t, Dad, you go back to the hotel and sleep, I’ll stay here. I-I just can’t lose her, this is taking way to wrong. I have to be there, I almost lost her once, I don’t want to lose her now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?  
> After the next chapter, there's going to be a break as I have to focus on school for my last exam phase of the school year, so if you wanna keep up with the process of the fic (and me complaining about how much I hate writing, follow my Tumblr @ teamgermany).


	13. × thirteen ×

Slowly, I open my eyes and look around, groaning slightly as my eyes adjust to the cruel light coming from the lamp above me. I don’t feel any pain. I can move both hands without any pain. Weird. Didn’t my left hand hurt before I drifted off? And my chest and my shoulder? Also, I can move my legs without the pain I felt before I blacked out. In addition to that, I’m not connected to any kind of machine or in- “Hey there.” Wincing, I turn around, only to see Jules sitting in the chair next to my bed.

In disbelief and confusion, I stare at him and he smiles weakly. “This must be confusing for you, Emilia.” “Confusing? For God’s sake, I was at your funeral! Y-you … so … I’m dead?” Simply overwhelmed, I glare at him, trying to figure out what the actual hell is going on. “No, you’re not dead … _yet_.” _Yet?_ What does that mean? “Well, okay, yeah, you’re dead. The doctors are trying to bring you back to life, but unlike me, you can decide whether you want to go back or not.”   
  
As he was Charles best friend, we met through the Monegasque and got along quite well. Whenever we raced in Monaco, I usually stayed at Charles’ place and he mostly came over to hang out with us. We didn’t do that much together, but he was always there when I needed some advice and the other way around and we had a pact to be always there for each other because we had both seen the bad sides of racing. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most and I still regret muting my phone to study in peace instead of having a phone call with him hours before his accident.

“Great, how am I supposed to do this? And why are you here when I’m … not one hundred percent death yet?” Chuckling, he helps me sitting up and I quietly groan in pain. “Your lungs collapsed. They didn’t notice it directly, so it’s a really critical situation right now. As I said, you can just lay down again, close your eyes and you’ll be waking up in a hospital room. But you’ll have to deal with lots of pain, setbacks and confrontations. Or you stay here with me and have the life you have always wanted. We could go karting or go to the cinema and watch every movie you want. You could have a happy and painless life, Em. We could do all the things you always wanted to do.”

Taking deep breaths, I look at him and even though I know deep inside what to do, I consider staying here with him as the better option. “What would you tell me to do?”, I mumble, my voice trembling extremely. “You know what I would tell you to do.” Sure, he would tell me to go back, deal with the pain, setbacks and confrontations, but am I really strong and brave enough for it? “But it’s not about what I would tell you to do, Em, I’m only here to inform you about your two options.” Slightly, I nod and scoff under my breath. “What if I want both? What if I want the happy and painless life but also want to go back to my family and friends?”

The pain in his eyes tells me everything and more than I wanted to know as an answer. “You could meet your triplet, Em, you could ask him everything you always wanted to know.” A chocked sob passes my lips and I look at him with unshed tears in my eyes. Fabian and I share a really strong bond, but I sometimes just feel like there’s missing something – and now I could finally get to know the person I always missed? “C-can I see him? B-before my decision?”

As he blankly stares at the wall across him, I sit in my bed and quietly cry, not exactly knowing what is going on and not really knowing what to expect from all of this. The longer he stands there like this, the scarier it gets. “You may have ten minutes with him. But then, you have to decide quickly or it won’t be possible for you to go back.” Not knowing what exactly happened and not really caring about it, I nod, giving him a weak and thankful smile as he opens the door, lets someone enter the room and leaves us alone.

He looks like Fabian. He looks so much like him, expect the dark, dirty blonde hair. Speechless, I stare at him while he closes the distance between us, sits down on the hospital bed and gently takes my hand. “You know mom and dad couldn’t deal with losing another child, they couldn’t deal with losing you now after everything they went through with you”, he whispers and carefully whipes away my tears. “Melanie, Stefanie and Sebastian couldn’t deal with losing another sibling. And our dear Fabian couldn’t cope with losing his twin sister after losing his triplet.” That’s when I break out in tears, letting him pulling me closer. “Go back, love, go back and fight for you and me. I’ll be always with you, I’ll always watch over you.”

Gently, he makes me rest my head on his shoulder and plays softly with my hair. “B-but what abou-“ “No, love, you have to go back, don’t even dare to think about staying here. As much as I would love to spend more time with you, I know it would be selfish because they need you more than I do. I can still send you signs to look for, now that you know what to look for.”

With teary eyes, I look into his eyes and he smiles weakly at me. “Do you p-promise me to send me signals?”, I croak out and he nods, pulling me even closer. “Of course, angel, I will. And I will always be watching you.” Weakly, really weakly, I nod and smile a tiny, tiny bit for less than a second. “Just look out for things that remind you of me, alright? But please remember even when I don’t send you a signal, I’ll be there. I never stopped watching over Fabian and you and making sure you’re fine.”

Jules comes in again and I can’t believe ten minutes are already over. “Why did you have to go?” My parents never gave me a proper question for the answer, so I feel like asking himself is the only chance for finding out the truth before my 18th birthday. “I was simply not strong enough. But I know you are strong and brave enough to go back and fight for your dreams. Fight for you and for me, sister dear.”

With a pained smile, my brother stands up and ruffles through my hair. “Take care of yourself, love, and remember you’ll never be alone, no matter what.” Without waiting for my answer, he turns around and leaves the room before I could ask him for which signals I should watch out. “So you’re going back?”, Jules asks, his accent thick and I nod weakly. “You’re doing the right thing, Emilia.”

Am I? Am I really doing the right thing? Shrugging, I look at him and he hugs me gently. “Please look after my family and friends, will you?” Quickly, I nod and he pats my back before stepping back and I know it’s time. “Oh, and please don’t tell anyone about this expect someone might need it.” Laying down again, I take a deep breath and look at him one last time. “And how do I know when to tell someone about this and when to just shut up?” Slowly, I close my eyes and swallow hard, there’s no going back no. “You’ll know when to tell someone, no worries, Em.” His voice is fading and before I can ask him how I am supposed to know that, I drift off into the darkness again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?


	14. × fourteen ×

Gently, Mick grabs my hand and I can tell he’s close to break out in tears by the way his fingers dig into my skin. “The doctors say it might help you to hear a familiar voice”, he mumbles, his voice is shaking and all I want to do is to hug him and gently wipe the tears away. “Seb wanted to do it, he really tried, but he broke down in front of your door. He’s really scared of losing you, you know. And Fabian doesn’t feel ready yet, all he did while visiting you was crying. Your parents wanted to do it, but they haven’t left the hospital since your crash, so I told them to go to their hotel room, catch up some sleep , eat some proper food and maybe even shower.”

I don’t know why he tells me that, I knew everything already but it's good to finally hear his voice again. “Em, please, you have to come back. Your family needs you, your nieces need you, hell, I need you.” A quiet sob escapes his lips and the next thing I notice is him carefully sitting down next to me. “Dan would kill me if he saw it.” Really quietly, he chuckles and plays with my fingers.

He and my nurse Dan never really were fond of each other. Dan always got annoyed and angry when he found out I ate sweets or some other food I shouldn’t eat during chemo and Mick sneaked them in, so there were lots of arguments between them in the hallway, thinking I wouldn’t notice the tension between two of the most important persons to me at that time.

After my crash, Maurizio somehow managed to bring my team of doctors and nurses back together to give me the best care. They know what to look for, they know how to deal with my stubbornness once I’m awake, they know which meds work for me and which don’t. For most of them, I was one of their very first childhood cancer patients which means they remember my story better than those of other kids after me. Even though it was more than a decade ago, Dan still remembered which meds work for me and which don’t – which is quite impressive. Dr. Rosenberg on the other hand still knows my whole story from the diagnosis until the last check up at that hospital and remembers the twelve times they almost lost me.

Gently, he lays down next to me and breathes against my neck. “I’m serious, Em, I need you to wake up. I need you to open your beautiful eyes again so I can lost in them without you even noticing it.” Heavily, he sighs and a chocked sob passes his lips. “The thought of you leaving without giving me the chance to tell you how I really feel about you is making me go crazy.” His voice fades, at the end it’s only a quiet whisper. “Please, Em, I’m begging you.”

It’s weird to actually know what’s going on while being placed in an artificial coma – I never experienced it before. Before, it was like a long and deep sleep to me, but now I can hear and feel what’s happening around me. I can even think – they noticed it and it surprised them just as it surprised me. But I can’t communicate with them. They tried to have me wake up a few times, but instead of waking up, they almost lost me every time so now they’re going to wait until I somehow manage to make it obvious I’d like to wake up.  
A collapsed lung, lack of air for around four minutes twice – once during the helicopter ride and once just when they wanted to move me out of surgery, six broken rips, a displaced clavicle fracture, a displaced scapular neck fracture, a broken wrist, internal bleeding and a fracture of the femoral neck – the list goes on and on, those are only the serious injuries I know about. As the driver of the other car hit the right side of my car, it’s my right arm and my right leg that are injured. Dan once said I could be considered lucky because it seems as there is no serious damage to my nerves and muscles but they only can say that for sure after I woke up.

For a while, he just lays there, his arm resting on my stomach while holding my hand, breathing heavily against my neck and I can tell it’s comforting him. “I can’t stand the thought I might lose you”, he mumbles quietly and instantly moves a bit closer to me. “I can’t lose you know. My dad … he’s never going to be the same old guy again. Sometimes he doesn’t even remember me and tells me to leave. I can’t lose two of the most important persons in my life in such a short time. I-I mean, he’s still there and I’m really glad about that but … he’s just not my dad anymore. He doesn’t remember much and what he remembers doesn’t make sense because he forgot the context of the situation. But he remembers you. He sometimes asks for the girl who won a race with a stranger’s kart.” My heart arches at the pain in his voice and I’m really desperate to hug the hell out of him – but I can’t.

“Of course I can ask Sebastian or somebody else for advice, but it’s just not the same as asking him. You on the other hand … y-you asked him so many questions. Even though you could have asked your brother, you always asked dad. I remember how you always showed up with tons of questions neatly written down on a piece of paper and how dad always went to his office, you sat down on the guest chair and I sat on the ground and he answered every question you had – even those a Formula One driver would usually not answer. He knew you could do it on your own but that it’d take way longer. I’ll never forget how you always took the cookie he offered yiu and gave it to me when he left us on our own because you knew those were my favourites and he barley let me have one.” Mick pauses and sighs frustrated. “Whenever I talk to you, it feels as he’s still there. Whenever you give me some advice, it feels as it’s partly from him as well.”

He sits up and groans a few seconds later. “Your team’s showing up in ten.” Definitely too quick, he stands up and I already miss having him close to me. “You probably don’t even hear me, but thanks for listening, Em. Keep fighting, your family needs you.” Softly, he caresses my cheek and takes a deep breath. “And I need you too”, he mumbles under my breath. “See you tomorrow, Em, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions anyone?


	15. × fifteen ×

“How are we doing today?”, asks Dan and enters the room quickly. Shrugging, I watch him walking over to me and he sighs. “Emilia, I know this is a really difficult situation for you, but I need you to talk to me.” Even five days after I woke up, I still feel quite dizzy and don’t feel like talking to anyone. Everyone seems to accept that – everyone expect Dan. “Your family is worried about your conditions and so is Mick.”

At the mention of the guy who’s more than ‘just’ my best friend, who knows the most about me, who’s kind of a soulmate to me, I freeze and he gives me a confused look. “Did something happen between the two of you?” Quickly, I shake my head but by his glare, it might have been too fast. “Did he hurt you? I swear to God, I gonna k-“ Again, I shake my head and look at him pleadingly, I absolutely do not want my parents to know about this.

“He said he loved me. And it’s messing with my mind and feelings”, I mumble quietly, my throat hurting slightly with every word that passes my lips. “So that was why your heart suddenly beat faster while he was in here.”

Blushing, I look away and he chuckles. “Cute. Let me just say one thing before I’ll pretend you never spoke to me in the first place.” Having absolutely no idea what he might want to tell me, I nod and he smiles at me. “For me it seems as you’re meant for each other. Whenever he came to visit you back then and now, he had that look of pure happiness and that special glow in his eyes and after he visited you, your conditions were always better than before. Or your heart beat faster.” Smirking, he watches my face turn even more red and I roll my eyes at him. “But we’re going hopefully going to race against each other one day.”

Suddenly, it doesn’t matter that talking hurts or that it takes me what feels like infinity to think of proper sentences and to understand what he really says, I just want to talk about everything concerning this topic that crossed my mind during those last few days. “So what? Your brother and Kimi have a great friendship even though they’re rivals on the track, I don’t see a reason why it shouldn’t work out for a relationship as well.” 

There are a millions reasons I could think of why it might not work out, but he has a point. He and Kimi somehow manage to keep their friendship intact even though they’re fighting against each other and against the rest of the grid on the track. “And what about the media? And the fans? I don’t want to be the woman who wins because her boyfriend lets her win.” Plus I’m still not sure what I truly feel for him, but that’s a completely different story. Slightly laughing, he checks all the machines and the two saline drips I’m connected to and I quietly scoff under my breath.

“Knowing you, I’d keep it secret for a while so you could get used to be girlfriend and boyfriend without all that pressure from media. And then when you’d be ready, you’d already have the proof that being in a relationship would not harm your rivalry on track.”

Eyes rolling, I let him pick me up and groan quietly in discomfort when he lays me down on the extra sofa they somehow managed to put into my room for a visitor to stay over for a night. “How would keeping it secret work out? Fans are everywhere, we’d never be able to go out on a date or just walk through the park without people harassing us.” Before changing my bedding, he hands me a water bottle I thankfully grab. “Oh come on, Em, you prefer watching a movie at home or something like that over going out anyways.” 

SurprisedSurp a bit shocked, I look at him and he laughs. “You always were an introvert and I didn’t expect that to change. You preferred to be on your own or with a few people around you who you trusted. “ Feeling caught, I shrug and drink some water. “But seriously, Mick and you would make the perfect couple.”

Before I can answer something, a nurse comes in and seems to be absolutely not amused when she realises Dan is not done with changing my bedding yet. “Hurry up, her family wants to see her before her next appointment which is in half an hour.” Quickly, Dan nods and she leaves the room again. “Do you want to see them or him? I know he’s also waiting in the waiting area.” Without even waiting for my response, he picks me up again and I sigh quietly. “And do you want someone of your family or him to join you at the appointment?” He expects me to give him a certain answer, but I just weakly shake my head. “Wanna be there on my own.”

It’s not that difficult to briefly figure out what they’re going say. It doesn’t look that good; I know the scars should be completely healed by now and I know the stiffness in my right arm should be gone by now; I know they’re going to tell me to consider to face reality and to retire now and I also know I should be already be on my feet by now. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to work hard and train even harder to come back. 

GivingGiv is not an option, not after everything I went through to follow my dreams. Not after all the arguments with my family, not after the deal that made it possible for me to race without the pressure of a certain surname on my shoulders, not after all the tears of frustration and anger I wasted at those comments I got throughout my whole career. I didn’t give up a life with my family for giving up now.

“The interview is really amazing, by the way. It’s really authentic and if you ask me, it gives one so many reasons to not hate you.” Confused, I stare at him, not having a single clue what he’s talking about. “You gave an interview to RTL, didn’t you? For when the world knows who you really are? With that Timo dude who’s a friend of your brother.” Dan can’t be real.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” With an apologetic look, he nods and I swallow hard. Fuck. “No worries, Britta’s taking care of it. And as far as I know, some of your friends are protecting you on social media as well. You might want to have a look at it after your appointment, huh?”

As I weakly nod, he gives me a comforting smile and leaves my room to tell my parents about my wish to listen to my doctors’ diagnosis on my own. “Oh Jules, you knew about this, didn’t you? I hope you know why you send me back because as of now, the only reason I could imagine is Mick.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'all #TeamEmMi or #TeamEmMa?   
> [Comments and kudos are welcomed as always.]


	16. × sixteen ×

> Sebastian can’t really remember how often he watched the same video over and over again over the last few days. Groaning, he slightly moves to reach the remote, presses play and sighs quietly as his sister appears on his TV screen for what must be at least the hundredths time. 

As soon as Dan and I leave the doctor’s office, my dad is by my side and deep down, I’m really thankful for that. “Everything is going to be alright, I promise you”, he mumbles under his breath while we make our way back to my room.

“How can you be so sure about that? What if everything didn’t work out?” For a second, he shows his surprise about me suddenly talking, but then it’s gone and replaced by a really familiar expression I can’t really explain. It's a mixture of guilty, knowing too much, worry and so much more.

“Liebling, I know you. I’ve been watching you winning fights no one expected you to. I’ve been watching you coming back stronger and even more dedicated and more passionate after huge throwbacks. It might take a while and it might cost lots of tears and sweat, but you’ll fight your way back.”

In relief, I sigh when Dan picks me up and gently places me on the soft mattress. “I’m scared, dad”, I whisper after he left to give us some privacy and he carefully sits down next to me. “What are you scared of, Liebling? You know there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of.”

Weakly, I nod and quickly wipe away a single tear. “I’m scared of having to sit in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. It’s just so humiliating.” Quietly he sighs, knowing only too well how much I struggle with accepting my weaknesses and them being noticed by other people. “You know you theoretically have better chances to walk on your own again, don’t you? Because of your excellent physical conditions. They just didn’t want to mention that because they were scared you might be too optimistic.”

>  He feels somehow betrayed by his little sister and one of his friends. Why did no one tell him about the interview? Given by her hair, it must have been shot at least eight months ago so there has been plenty of time to inform him about the existence of this video.
> 
> “Sebastian?“ Britta knocks on his door and enters the room without even waiting for an answer, knowing she won’t receive one. “The interview for the F1 YouTube channel is in ten.“ Displeased, he looks at her and groans quietly. “What do you want me to say?“, he asks instead of protesting and slowly sits up. “It’s about her, Sebastian, you know her better than I do so I don’t want to tell you what to say and what not.“
> 
> Bitterly, he chuckles and shakes his head weakly. “I might know my little sister better, but I don’t think I know Emilia Vettel at all.“ During the interview with Timo, she seemed so mature – way too mature for her age, especially compared to her twin brother – and so utterly independent and grown up. She knew what to answer to some of the most stupid questions he heard in a long time and he certainly doesn’t remember teaching her that. “I told you to keep in touch with her. Not just once a month or to remember her of the annual checkup.“
> 
> Sighing, he nods, she did tell him to text her more often quite a few times but he just didn’t have the time. “I also told you that I've got a family of my own to take care of and there was simply no time to catch up with her.“ Eyes rolling, Britta turns the TV off and shakes her head slightly.
> 
> “And I told you she would change and mature a lot in Enhland. She had to face quite some issues on her own at such a young age, Sebastian. Things like that really change a person. Maybe you should use those last few minutes to ask Mark how she's been doing the last few months prior the crash as he spend more time with her than you did since she started school.“ 

Dad and I spend the next few hours with catching up. It’s difficult to keep up to date with the family once you live completely different lifes. He told me about Fabian's English teacher who claims my dear twin brother can’t speak proper English, about my sisters' jobs and dates and about the lady who lives across the street and always asks how I'm doing – she used to look after my siblings whenever my parents had to rush me to hospital. I told him about the satisfaction of winning to championships in my rookie year, dropped some hints that there might be a dude I really really like and shared the gossip I heard during the season with him.

It feels really good to just have some quality time with him alone. When I started racing, it's been always just him and me traveling through Europe on the weekends, but then my sister and her boyfriend took over as he had support my older brother and had to earn money as well. 

Not even a year later, Ann became the one to travel around the world with me and Mark joined her after his retirement. 

”Dad?” Quietly, I yawn and he simply hums in response. ”I missed hanging out with you.” Smiling, he takes my hand and nods weakly. ”I really missed having you around. Your mother and I are trying to bring you home as soon as possible.”

And that’s when it hits me. I don’t have a place I can call _home_. My siblings grew up in the house they and my parents call home – but I didn’t and I refuse to call the hospital I spend my first years in my home. Then I moved from school to school until I found the right one for me, but I wouldn’t even dare to think of calling the school my home. ”When can I start with rehab?”

>  ”How did you feel when she announced her desire to start karting?”, asks the interviewer – Sebastian forgot her name as soon as they sat down – and he shrugs. ”I started karting because my sister did it and I thought it was cool. So I expected one of them to follow her and my steps but I believe it took us all by surprise when she asked our father to join the two of us at the karting track. At first it was strange, having her there with me because I always wanted to protect her and I couldn’t do that at the track so it always came with a not so pleasant feeling.”
> 
> He doesn’t dare to say that he didn’t want her to come with them. As his passion made his older sister quit karting, he didn’t want her to do the same to him.
> 
> ”Did you tell her to stop?” For a moment, he just wants to wipe that huge smile off her face, it’s his sister they’re talking about for God’s sake. ”Well there have been times when she just beat herself up for some stupid reasons. Sometimes it all became too much for her – not the karting and later racing itself, but the comments and glares she got – and of course I told her then that it would be okay if she wanted to end her career. But I only did so because I felt like I had to tell her and maybe weaken the weight on her shoulders.”
> 
> He remembers her disappointed reaction when he told her it would be okay to end her career, how hurt she was as he literally told her to show weakness.
> 
> ”Obviously she didn’t listen to you.” The lady chuckles and nodding, he forces himself to smile. ”Yeah, but to be honest I would have been surprised if she had listened to me. She’s been fighting so hard to be accepted as a driver, to receive the same treatment as her male rivals. Giving up so easily just isn’t Emilia's style.”
> 
> ”Then how would you describe her style?” It's a question he was secretly looking forward to as it’s about her and not how he influenced her path in motorsports or something like that. ”Well ... she’s really hard working, focused, she knows what she wants and she’s willing to risk a lot to achieve that. She’s determined and is willing to put everything behind in order to be completely focused. I'm really proud of the young, independent and intelligent woman she has become.”

”You can as soon as the doctors say you are ready to start rehab”, he mumbles as he stands up and approaches the window as I weakly roll my eyes – that's what everyone has been telling me since I woke up from coma.

”I’m sick of hearing this. _'As soon as you are fit enough.’ 'As soon as the doctors think you’re fit enough.’_ Great. But when?! Come on, they told you some prognosis, when to expect me walking around again.” Frustrated, I sigh and watch him standing up and walking to the window.

”Dad, why won’t you tell me what they told you? Is it so bad?” My voice is shaking by the end of the sentence and for some reasons I'm really scared of his answer. And it’s definitely not weakening my anxiety that instead of answering, he's just looking out of the window.

”Dad?” l whisper after what feels like infinity and swallow hard when he turns around with teary eyes. ”Liebling, they don’t know. Nobody knows whether you'll even be able to start rehab. Maybe it’s just going to stay like this forever. Theoretically, you have better chances to walk again and everything, but it's just not looking good at all. I'm so sorry, Liebling, I know you wanted to hear something different.”

Even though I kind of expected something like this, it's so painful to actually hear it. Somewhat shocked, I look at him and swallow hard. ”I ... I need some time for myself if you don’t mind.”

> ”Did you help her?” Mentally, he rolls his eyes at her and quickly shakes his head. ”She never wanted me to. She even refused to accept money from me so she worked her arse off during winter break to be able to finance a seat in a junior formula series.” Surprised, the lady looks at him and it’s satisfying to show her the Emilia he is proud of.
> 
> ”What about Ferrari or RedBull? Did they offer her help?” Chuckling at the memories, he nods. ”Of course. Mercedes, Ferrari and RedBull offered her help, but again she refused. She wanted to achieve it on her own. Becoming a McLaren junior was a really difficult decision to make as it meant to accept help from others.” 
> 
> He misses her. And Britta was probably right. ”Are you proud of her?” Quietly, he scoffs under his breath and nods. ”Of course. And I'm going to be proud of whatever she does. She’s my little sister after all.”Proudly, he smiles and quickly wipes away a single test before the lady could notice it.
> 
> ”Where do you see her in five years?” Chuckling, he shrugs and looks straight into the camera. ”Well, beating the other lads and me on the track, hopefully. Or maybe in Indy if she decides the focus in Formula One is too much on the technical side for her liking. Or DTM, Super GT, endurance racing, ... her possibilities are endless.” Britta gives him a slightly warning glare and he just shrugs at her, he didn’t say it was _his_ opinion so it shouldn’t cause any problems. ”She’s a racer, she wants to drive fast and doesn’t want to save engines and stuff. So having her in Formula One would be quite interesting.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new update before I leave for the DTM race at Norisring and then for Canada!   
> [Comments and kudos are welcomed as always.] Opinions about Sebastian's interview, anyone?


	17. × seventeen ×

When I wake up, the room somehow feels more comfortable and homely than it felt before. Instead of the hospital blanket, I'm wrapped in a definitely more comfortable one and its smell reminds me of a certain someone. Sleepily, I open my eyes and notice with surprise that someone closed the curtains to darken the room.

”Welcome back, sleepyhead.” Quickly, I look to my left, only to see Mick sitting in the hospital chair next to my bed. ”You did this, didn’t you?”, I mumble and he shrugs with a huge smile plastered on his face. ”Why do I even ask, the blanket smells like you.” He chuckles and I slightly roll my eyes.

”Your dad told us about the ... talk you two had. And as no one really knows how long you have to stay here, I decided to make this room feel a bit more like home.” Given by his silence, he’s probably blushing hard and I just really want to hug him right now. ”I swear I'll hug you so hard once I can finally move my arm properly again.” Quietly chuckling, he stands up and now that he stands in the lighting, I can see his reddish cheeks. ”Awww you're still blushing. If you wanna come cuddle, I'll protect you in case Dan comes in.”

Laughing under his breath, he sits down next to me and closely watches my reaction. ”Just lay down, I'm fine”, I mumble under my breath and because of his sceptical glare, I add: ”I swear I'm fine.” He always tends to worry about me a lot, but it’s okay because I know he just wants me to be fine. And as I tend to lie quite a lot about my wellbeing, he has probably every right to do so.

”They reduced your dose of painkillers while you slept, so please let me know if the pain or the discomfort becomes too much, okay?” Weakly, I nod and he lays down slowly, still watching me closely. ”Only if you stop being worried. It’s okay, it feels a bit strange to actually feel the movements of the mattress as you layed down, but besides that, it's totally okay.”

I give him a soft smile and he nods. ”Sounds like a good deal to me.” It costs me lots of strength to move closer to him, but it’s definitely worth it as he puts an arm around me and looks at me with a huge, dorky smile plastered on his face. ”It’s so good to have you back, Em”, he mumbles and I don’t how to react, so I just take his free hand and link our fingers. Am I supposed to say something about what he told me while I was placed in the artificial coma? Or is it better to pretend I didn’t hear a single word? ”I felt your presence”, I randomly blurt out and blush slightly. ”Really?” His smile becomes even bigger if that’s even possible and I nod. “Made me feel safe.“

Now would be a good time to tell him that I didn’t just feel his presence but also heard him, but for some reasons, I don’t. “Glad to hear that.“ Instead, I kiss his cheek gently and hiss quietly at the discomfort. “You know it’s okay to admit the pain’s too much, right? That’s not a weakness.“ Eyes rolling, I nod and rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. ”Sweetie, I’m serious. As your”, he pauses and swallows, ”best friend, I worry about you. A lot. And it would help me a lot if you just told me when the pain became too much instead of me guessing whether it was too much.”

Best friend. I always just thought of him as my best friend. But all out of a sudden, it doesn’t sound right. It’s not what I want him to be for me at all, I want _more_. I want to wake up next to him without having to explain why we share a bed, I want to be able to steal some of his food or drinks without earning weird glares and having to justify it. And to be absolutely honest with myself, I want to find out how his soft looking lips feel when they’re pressed against mine.   
“Sorry“, I mumble quietly against his shirt and he sighs. ”It’s okay, I know you don’t do it on purpose but sometimes it would make things a lot easier.” He’s probably right, but showing weakness is something I struggle with a lot and he’s very much aware of it. There’s no place for weakness in motorsport. Especially not for a girl. ”I promise I won’t judge you, it’s humanly to have some weaknesses or to admit one can’t cope with something.”

Weakly, I nod and he gently ruffles through my hair. ”If you don’t wanna do rehab at a public gym or a private one where you could meet other drivers, my mom said it would be more than just okay to have you stay at our place and use our gym whenever you feel like. Dad’s medical staff would be willing to keep an close eye on your injuries and monitor them properly.”

Surprised, I look at him and can’t believe what he just said. ”Mom thought it might help you to get back to your usual strength in private, without the media judging every single step and every decision.“

When we were younger and used to do a lot of sleepovers, she always had to find new ways to secure the gym so we couldn’t sneak in at night and use his dad’s equipment. Usually, it didn’t really help and we found other, even more creative and ridiculous ways to get in, but she still doesn’t know about that as we both decided it would be better to let her think her methods worked out quite well. 

She knows of five times we sneaked into the gym, but it actually were about hundred times we actually were there at night. Once, he broke his finger and we had to tell her that we managed to figure out a way how to get in without her noticing it and she was so pissed and angry that she told us we'd never be allowed to enter the gym again.

“Did she forget that she forbade us to enter it ever again or does she just not care anymore?“, I mumble smiling and he chuckles. “She cares too much about you, Em. For her, you’re still the third child she always wanted to have. Maybe she actually forgot it, but even if she didn’t, she wants the best for you. And if that means having you move in with us for a whole, then so be it.“

“I’d love to stay at your place for a while, just to give them some space to figure out how to deal with this not so planned revelation. But“, I pause and look into his fascinating eyes, “only if you don’t move into one of the guestrooms so I can have yours. I'm perfectly fine with staying in one of those.“ 

Andwhat I don’t dare to speak out loud is that I would also be perfectly fine with sharing the bed with him if he doesn’t want me to stay in a guestroom. “Em, you know I can’t let you stay in there. They’re so far away from literally everything, it doesn’t make sense for you to stay there.“ Shrugging, I ruffle through my hair. “Well I don’t want you to stay there either so th-“

Before I can finish my sentence, he gently presses his lips onto mine and fcking hell, it feels amazing. Totally taken by surprise, I kiss him back and try to close the gap between the two of us.

Out of a sudden, he moves away, literally jumps out of my bed and quickly leaves the room, mumbling something I cannot make out under his breath and leaving me confused and hurt behind. It felt right for me, so unbelievably right, but I guess it didn’t for him. _Ouch_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions anyone?   
> [Comments and/or Kudos are welcomed as always.]


	18. × eighteen ×

After Mick left me on my own, I told Dan to let nobody enter my room as I wanted some time for myself to my eyes out and figure out what I want and what not – but obviously, I didn’t mention the last part. Seeing the guy I thought of as my best friend storming out of my room and me asking for privacy straight afterwards should give him enough context to take my request seriously. And it fucking hurt, watching him leave me when I actually needed him the most.

And to my surprise, Dan did take it really seriously. He didn’t ask questions – which I was and still am thankful for – and told me to let him know when I felt like having people around me again. Fabian wanted to have a quick chat with me after hearing about dad’s and my conversation, but Dan told him I didn’t feel well and therefore needed some rest and time for myself.

So I spend the rest of the day in bed, watching Netflix on my phone with my headphones plugged in so everyone who walked past my room wouldn’t hear a single noise coming out of my room. Maybe there were some tears streaming down my face and some chocked sobs, but that are just speculations and cannot be confirmed.

“Wakey wakey, sleepyhead.“ Groaning, I pull my blanket above my head and he chuckles. “Come on, Emilia, you know you have to get up. The appointment with the specialists to talk about your rehabilitation options is at 11 and there’s someone who really wants to talk to you before that. Don’t worry, it’s not him and it’s not a family member.“ Gently, he grabs my blanket and I scoff quietly. “Just let me sleep, please.“

Shaking his head, he puts the blanket on an empty chair and hands me a small cup with my pills and a glass of water. “I’m sorry but no, it’s quite important.“ I roll my eyes at him and I can tell this is the exact moment he realises I can’t sit up on my own and swallowing the pills while laying down might not be a brilliant idea at all. “Right, sorry. Still not used to not having to tell you to lay down every ten secs.“

Quickly, he placed the pills and the water on my bedside table and gently helps me sitting up. We tried the easier way – moving the upper part of my mattress up by pressing a button on the side of my bed – but the pain and discomfort it caused wasn’t worth it at all. So we do it the old school way aka him helping me sitting up and then adding as much pillows as necessary to make it kind of comfortable. “And I'm not used to not being able to slap you when you’re standing on my right so it’s fine I guess.“

Then, he hands me the glass of water and the small cup with the pills and quietly, I sigh under my breath, grab both and somehow manage to swallow all pills at the first try. “Can’t promise it’s always going to work out this good“, I mumble and shake my head slightly at the disgusting aftertaste of one of those goddamn pills. “Well I'm glad you’re trying it and are not throwing tantrums whenever I enter the room with medicine.“

Scoffing, I hand him the empty glass and he smiles weakly. “Do you want something for breakfast?“ Shrugging, I try to find a somewhat comfortable position to stay in for the next few hours and he sighs quietly. “I’ll pick up a Starbucks coffee for you during my break.“ Apparently, it’s quite difficult for him to understand that I'm just not hungry in the mornings – or just not hungry at all. “Whatever makes you happy, Dan.“ He smiles and I roll my eyes at his reaction, knowing he would buy me some coffee or something else no matter what I tell him.

“So”, he begins and hesitates to continue whatever he wanted to say, giving me an asking look whether I feel ready for that kind of conversation or not. Weakly I nod, just wanting to finish this conversation as fast as possible. “What happened with him? Why did he storm out of your room and broke out in tears before he even left the station? Did he hurt you? Because if he did, I swear to god he wo-“ “We kissed”, I blurt out before he can say what he wants to do to him in case he hurt me. “It felt good, more than just good actually. But we’re best friends, a kiss isn’t supposed to feel more than just good. It’s supposed to feel gross and horrible, well everything but good and stuff.”

Dan stares at me and I absolutely can’t tell what he’s thinking right now. His stare is a mixture of shock, surprise, disbelief and for some reasons relief – which does not make sense at all. Maybe I suck at analysing someone elses’ stare but who knows, right. “Well maybe he’s then more than just your best friend. Ever thought of that?”

Now it’s my turn to look at him in surprise, disbelief and shock – I expected a variety of answers from him, but not something like _that_. “What?” Chuckling, he shakes his head and laughs quietly. “It was obvious than you both like each other more than best friends are supposed to. When he showed up here to see you the first time after your accident, he knew a lot about medicine. Don’t tell anyone I told you, but Dr. Rosenberg was actually impressed by his knowledge. I guess he spend most of the time during the car ride with reading medical stuff on the internet to understand what’s wrong with you. And you … well you know that yourself.”   _Obvious?_ When was it _obvious_ that he and I apperantly both wanted more than we were and are willing to admit?

Gently, he ruffles through my hair and I scoff. “Dan, I don’t know what you want to tell me, but he obviously does not want me to be more than just his best friend. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have stormed out of my room like that. Not when I needed him the most.” Sighing, he pulls one of the chairs closer and sits down. “Emilia, darling, he wants you to be his girlfriend and maybe later his wife. That’s why he left. Because the kiss made him feel stuff he wasn’t prepared to feel.”


	19. × nineteen ×

The next few weeks, I focused on my health and on positive stuff in life.

I drank the gross stuff the nurses gave me, I tried to swallow all the pills they handed me, I did everything they and the doctors told me to do.

I did some meditation, I prayed, I wrote letters to people I care about and burned them, I tried to call a certain someone who left me on my own after kissing me, I left some messages on the mailbox of said someone, I talked to a psychologist about the crash, possible futures and other personal stuff.

I ate gross, apparently healthy, food, tried to eat vegan for a while, donated lots of money to charity and shared some links of charities online to promote them, tried to be a better me, drank less lemonade and other drinks with tons of sugar with it, tried to minimise my time on the internet, started to write some kind of a diary, gave less sarcastic or ironic comments.

I wrote letters to the persons I can’t stand – and burned them – and I texted some of those I pissed off or hurt that I am truly sorry for what I have done or said.

I spend as much time as possible outside, even though it meant to sit in a fucking wheelchair and dealing with those weird glares.

I became friends with one of those dogs who come to the hospital to help those poor people who are stuck in there, I supported a farm for animals that are supposed to be killed with Fabian and Dan, I fell asleep with that dog laying on my bed and it was the best and most relaxing sleep I had in years, I began to draw some weird ass stuff to cope with my boredom.

I visited the cancer station for children at least every two days, talked to them, read some stories, told them some stories of my own fight and of other fights I got to witness, offered a shoulder to cry on for them and for their parents, helped them cope with the death of an amazing little boy named Thomas who gained his wings way too early, told his parents I would pay every open bill and everything for his funeral, attended his funeral together with those kids who were stable enough to leave the station.

I anonymously donated about a third of my money for the research of a chemotherapy for children that is actually made for kids – knowing I got super lucky as I do not have any serious issues because of the chemotherapy I got for the first few years of my life and also knowing that most children are not so lucky -  and donated another third of my money to a charity that tries to make the long hospital stays for children with childhood cancer as enjoyable as possible.  
For example, they offer to paint the child’s room in his or favourite colour, organise presents for the whole family on special days such as Easter, birthdays and Christmas as most families simply do not have the money for bigger presents and buy toys for the play rooms so the kids can enjoy some time playing together.

Everyone who asks me whether I feel better know receives a huge smile and a confirmation that I do feel better, but the truth is that I do not feel any better at all. I still can’t sleep through the whole night without waking up at least three times – expect the one time Stella, the dog, slept in my bed because the owner had a serious matter to attend and couldn’t take her with him so I annoyed Dan and the others until they agreed on her staying in my room over night – and I still don’t have a date when rehab is supposed to start. Because my leg doesn’t seem to get any better and because my body loses all those muscles I worked so hard for while laying in bed, waiting for some proper answers concerning my future.  

Staring at my leg, completely lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice Dan entering the room at all. “Emilia?” Confused, I look up and he gives me a worried glare I only know too well. “Yeah, what’s up? It’s your break, it’s the only time of the day you don’t have to be here and deal with me, you are not supposed to be here, mate. Go eat something or just get some fresh air.” Laughing under his breath, he hands me some papers and I just look at him, uttlery confused why he decided to spend his precious break with me. I mean, it’s not unusual for him to do so, but as far as it concerns him, I am fine and do not need him to give up his break for my sake. “Trust me, I’ll have a massive break afterwards.”

Still confused, I grab the pile of papers he hands me and he sighs. “You’re free to leave. Your brother is currently organising your transport back home. There’s nothing the doctors can do for you know at the moment and they decided that it’s better for you to spend the waiting period at home, surrounded by the people you care about.” He can’t be serious. Going back to Heppenheim would be my death for sure. Being surrounded by Sebastian, my sisters _and_ my mom? One overprotective person is already one too much, but four?

“The waiting period? Mate, I waited for months. I spend my freaking birthday in this hellhole. Christmas. New Year’s Eve. Just because those idiots thought it would be better for me to wait until my body’s ready for rehab in here. What changed their mind, huh? Seb? My mom? Both of them?”

I really don’t want to go back home. Not now. Ignoring the fact that I do not really want to call that place my home as I spend not so much time there, maybe three years or so, it doesn’t change the fact that Sebastian’s overprotectiveness will definitely be the death of me. We had some quite nasty arguments in here and I really don’t want to face even worse fights with him. “None of them. The whole team had a meeting this morning. And as there’s nothing the doctors can do for you at the moment because your body simply isn’t ready for further steps, we decided it might be worth a try to have you spend some time at home. Maybe being in a familiar place helps your recovery.” 

There’s _nothing_ the doctors can do for me _right now_? Well when will they be able to do something then? In a decade? In another universe? “So I’m just another hopeless case for you guys and you want to get rid of me as soon as possible so you can go back to your usual work and help people who actually have a chance of going back to their normal lives. Got it.” It’s not that I don’t want to belief him, but I just can’t. I heard too much positive stuff during since the crash, that my body just needs some time, that there’s no rule how long a recovery from such a nasty crash is supposed to take, that everything’s going to work out, that I just need to take it easy and allow my body to rest.

“Emilia, that’s not what I was say-“ “No, but that’s what you meant, wasn’t it? My case is hopeless. I’ll never walk on my own again and stuff. Not without an amputation and even then it might not heal at all. I got it, mate, but no worries, it’s fine. Kind of expected it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update as I gonna stay at my boyfriend's for the next few days ... Opinions anyone?  
> [Comments and/or Kudos are always welcomed. I swear I don't bite!]


	20. × twenty ×

Before Dan could explain himself, someone knocks on the door and I sigh in relief, telling whoever is on the other side of the door to come in. To be honest, I didn’t know whom to expect entering my room – it could have been Fabian, my other brother, one of my sisters or one of their boyfriends, my mom, my dad, my best friend who kissed me and then left me on my own, Mark, Ann, Britta – but I _certainl_ y didn’t expect Daniel Abt. Not at all.

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?”, he asks and I quickly shake my head. “No, Dan wanted to leave anyways, he still has a lot of medical stuff to do before I leave this hellhole for real.” Surprised, I watch the nurse leave for real, without any form of protest – that has never happened before. Fascinating. “You get to leave?” For him, it must appear to be a good thing, therefore I just decide to ignore his huge smile and shrug. “Yeah, but it’s still a long way until I sit in a car again and literally _everything_ can happen until then.” I try to sound as optimistic as possible and it seems to work as he just nods and sits down on the chair next to my bed.

“Well, that’s kind of why I am here. Going to Formula One has been a long, ongoing discussion for years at the headquarter of Audi and now, as they decided to join Formula E for real – but don’t tell anyone, it’s still a long way until everything’s signed for real and literally _everything_ can happen until then – someone brought up that idea again.” Confused why he tells me all that secret stuff I am not supposed to know of, I just nod and he chuckles.

“The board discussed it and most members wanted to have some drivers before they approve it. Your name fell quite often. Someone from Audi motorsport is going to contact you in the next few days, but I wanted to let you know before. Because this, Emilia, could be huge.”

Audi wants me to drive one of their Formula One cars? _Me?_ The girl who just had a massive and quite nasty crash? The girl who is Sebastian Vettel’s secret younger sister? The girl who is the twin sister of their Audi TT Cup driver? What the actual hell? “Why would they want _me_ when they could have everyone? Pascal for example. Mick. Habsburg. Bruno. Günther. Charles. George. David. You. Lucas. Heck, even Fabian. Why _me_?”  

Quietly, he chuckles and I scoff. “That’s not funny, mate. Why would they want _me_?” Why would they want someone who might not even be able to walk again? It’s just ridiculous. “Don’t beat yourself up, Emilia, we’ve all seen what you can do.” Sceptical, I look at him. “Yeah, ending up in a nasty crash that could be the end of my career.” 

Of course there were talks about an amputation. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be saying stuff like that. But even then, nobody knows whether the wound would heal better than now. It could become even worse. So, at the moment, the only thing that somehow makes sense is to wait and see how far my body actually manages to recover from the crash and the surgery. “Oh, come on, it’s gonna be fine. Trust me.” Daniel seems so hopeful and optimistic, so full of positive energy, so I don’t answer something sarcastic, but nod instead. “You’re probably right”, I mumble, praying to God or whatever is up there that he is right. That it’s going to be fine someday, somehow.

“As I said, we’ve all seen what you can do. We’ve seen what you can do in an inferior car. Now imagine the outcome of you sitting in a car that can actually fight for the championship. Imagine sitting in a car that’s so good that you don’t have to calculate everything.” “I never said that I calculate stuff”, I blurt out, trying to keep it a secret as good as possible.

“Come on, Em. It’s _obvious_. When you let Charles pass easily because Antonio was too fast for you, so you gave Charles the chance to fight for the win – and boy, he _did_ use that chance. Because Charles was too far behind in the championship to become a serious issue for you and you knew you’d lose less points to Antonio if he didn’t win.” _Obvious?_ Nobody understood why I let the Monegasque pass so easily, not even my own crew who knew how shitty my car actually was, so I didn’t even try to explain myself and just gave everyone the lame excuse that my tyres were super done and I had to make sure I wouldn’t crash. “But my tyres we-“ “And so were Charles’ tyres. And Antonio’s.”

Eyes rolling, I sigh and nod weakly. “Okay, okay, maybe I did some calculations that one time.” Shaking his head in disbelief, he laughs under his breath and I don’t know what to do, so I somehow end up throwing some pillows in his face. “You did that quite often. As soon as you knew you couldn’t win, you tried to figure out the best way how to minimise the points you lost. I have to admit, it took me a while and lots of data your crew gave me after some asking and the okay from your brother, but somewhen I figured it out. It’s better to finish on P3, with your title-rival on P2 than having him winning the race and one finishing on P2.” He puts the pillows on the ground and I shrug. “It surprised me that no one else seemed to realise that, I mean, it’s simple maths. Or maybe they just didn’t know how to do that, I don’t know.”

I did the maths back in my karting years, realising a P3 finish with my title-rival on P2 is actually better than having him winning, even if it meant someone had to overtake him and me. So it’s somehow surprising and shocking that no one realised what I was doing when I knew a victory was out of my reach the whole time. “Well it’s clever. Not the really fine kind of racing, but it’s clever when you’re stuck in the fight for the championship. Better than teamorders if you ask me, it doesn’t harm anyone, does it? If the rival’s not fast enough, well then that’s obviously not your fault.”

“But everyone could have calculated stuff like that. Dude, that’s simple maths.” I should be used to being praised by now – I mean, Michael told Merc to offer me to join their junior program because he saw _something_ in me _before_ I even won my first karting championship and they never forget to mention how much they regret not listening to him – but I am not. Especially not know when it’s unknown whether it will be possible for me to drive a goddamn Formula One car on my own again or not. “Hey, do not beat yourself up. You’re an amazing driver and we’ve all seen the talent you have. Michael saw it. Christian, Maurizio and Toto see it. You just couldn’t reach your full potential yet.”

“And how am I supposed to do so? Before the crash, McLaren was the only team that offered me a realistic chance to  actually achieve something in motorsport without having to reveal who my brother is.” It’s a paragraph in the deal offered by Mercedes, Ferrari or RedBull that I would have to reveal my family. “Don’t be so negative, Em. Audi can offer you the car you can reach your full potential with if you help them create that car. They need your knowledge and your feedback to do so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions anyone?   
> [Comments and/or kudos are always welcomed. I swear I don't bite. If anyone's interested in my complains about writing - I'm @ teamgermany on Tumblr.]


	21. × twenty-one ×

Two hours, eighteen minutes and _exactly_ five seconds later, I left the hospital building for real. Daniel seemed to notice how uncomfortable I felt sitting in the wheelchair, knowing I would have to deal with so many stupid glares on my way out and he offered me to carry me if I was fine with that. Dan wasn’t fine with that, but I was more than just fine with being carried  - so here I am, being carried by Daniel Abt. Could be way worse. “Thanks”, I mumble under my breath and he smiles weakly. “You’re welcome, Emilia, I wouldn’t want to sit in that piece of shit for a sec. Where did your brother want to pick you up again?”

Shrugging, I look around, not recognising any of his cars. “Don’t know, but to be honest it wouldn’t surprise me if he managed to forget it.” Just in that moment, a black Mercedes Van shows up and I do recognise _that_ car. It’s Toto’s family van they bought after Jack was born and he realised his fancy Mercedes G-class didn’t offer enough space for three children at all. Before I can tell Daniel to run, the owner of the black Mercedes Van gets out of his car and I sigh. “I have no idea what’s going on, but I don’t like it”, I mumble under my breath and he nods in agreement. “Yeah, I can imagine.” It truly amazes me that he’s been carrying me for more than five minutes at the very least and hasn’t even complained once yet.

“Emilia! It’s so nice to see you again, even though I hoped for better circumstances”, Toto says and I force myself to smile politely at him – it’s not his fault and it was not his idea, so I can’t blame him. “It’s good to see you too.” I tense a bit as my brother suddenly shows up next to him and I really don’t want to imagine tomorrow’s articles and headlines, knowing the scene must seem strange to everyone else. _Toto Wolff, Sebastian Vettel and Daniel Abt who’s carrying Vettel’s younger sister meeting on the parking space of an hospital._

“Where are your bags?”, my brother asks and I quietly sign in relief as he seems to be okay with me not sitting in a wheelchair for the moment. “Dan said he would take care of that. No offense, but why didn’t you borrow Dad’s van? Wouldn’t have that been way easier?” Chuckling, he shakes his head and by now, I have absolutely no idea what the actual hell is going on right now. “You really thought I’d let you stay there?” Utterly confused, I look at him and Daniel sighs. “Mom and Dad agreed that their place is everything but wheelchair friendly, especially not Emilia -walking -with -crutches -friendly.” Oh god, _no_. “So they agreed on having you stay with me. Hanna’s at home because of the kids, so she can look after you as well. And Susie’s gonna help out too.”

“Oh, you told her.” Dan fakes a smile, _obviously_ not pleased with the decision, and drops my bags in front of the Van before walking over to Sebastian and handing him a quite thick envelop. “Everything’s in there in case you feel like having another doctor having a look at her. Medicine, diagnosis, diet plan, literally everything.”  “How do we feel about just running away?”, I ask Daniel quietly and he chuckles under his breath. “You know that would be one of the stupidest moves you could ask me to do right now. Plus I have to leave in a few, can’t keep a sponsor waiting.” Eyes rolling, I nod and sigh in resignation as he approaches the van and gently places me on the co-driver’s seat.

“Don’t do anything stupid, alright?” Scoffing, I promise him I won’t do anything stupid without him and he smiles weakly. “And act surprised when someone from Audi calls you. You have no idea what he would want from you, alright?” Nodding, I high-five him and he pulls me into a short hug. “Just text me if you need a shoulder to cry on, it was a pleasure meeting you.” Then, he steps back, says his good-byes to Sebastian, Toto and Dan and leaves me alone.

While the nurse explains my brother everything he has to know, Toto slowly walks over to me and I can tell he doesn’t really know what to say. “I’m sorry”, he says quietly and I shrug. “It’s fine I guess, there’s nothing one could do.” I can make out some people standing in a safe distance to us with their phones out, probably documenting the whole scenario.

 “Don’t worry, I already contacted the company’s lawyers, they are going to make sure these pictures will be deleted immediately.” Shaking my head, I give him a weak smile and he looks confused. “It won’t change a single thing. They will still tell the world about what they’ve seen and unless you’ve got one of those thingys they have in the Men in Black movies, there’s nothing you can do against that. And if you have one of those, please erase the memories of this for me as well.”

He laughs quietly and looks on his phone that he’s been holding in his left hand the whole time. “We have to pick up some others on our way back, but your brother should explain you that”, he says as Sebastian and Dan say their good-byes and my brother joins us just a few seconds later. “He’s bringing us a wheelchair, then I have to sign some papers and after that, we’re free to go.”

Not wanting to look at him right now, I turn around and groan quietly under my breath, suddenly remembering my other injuries. They managed to get me on a dose of painkillers that took the pain and discomfort they cause away, but now that my last dose slowly wears off, I feel it. “Damn”, I mutter under my breath, close my eyes and focus on my breathing to not break out in tears in front of them. “So _that_ ’s what he was warning me about.”

I can feel their worried glares on me and I just roll my eyes, hoping Dan would show up soon. “What’s wrong, Em?”, Sebastian asks and I really want to slap him, isn’t it somehow obvious?” “Her painkillers slowly wear off, the patients tend to forget injuries they don’t feel and see at all. Don’t worry, she should get used to it in an hour or two and if it becomes unbearable, there are some painkillers in the envelop. But those are only for emergencies”, Dan explains and I give him a thumbs up. “No worries, just didn’t expect it.”

For a while, I sit there with my eyes closed and listen to them putting all my stuff into the car. Then, my brother goes with Dan to sign those papers and Toto sits down on the driver’s seat. “Your brother would kill me if  he knew about this, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re always welcomed at Mercedes. It would be a honour working together with you, Emilia.”

He has to say that, I’m very much aware of that, but after Daniel’s warning about the offer from Audi, it simply feels good to know others haven’t given me up either – even though I did. “Michael saw something in you and I didn’t understand it back then, but it’s been one of our biggest mistakes to not offer you to join our junior program when we had the chance to do so.”

Slowly, I open my eyes and groan at the sunlight. “Why do you think of me so highly? Even if I joined Merc, I would never be your next Lewis Hamilton.” Thinking of this as a joke, he chuckles quietly until he realises I am dead-ass serious about this. “Emilia, why do you beat yourself up like this? You’re an astonishing driver, with the right car you could _even be better_ than Lewis.”

Shocked by his choice of words, I look at him. “Better than Lewis? That’s like... impossible!” Just because I don’t respect the Lewis Hamilton off the track, it doesn’t mean I don’t have tons of respect for the amazing driver he’s on the track. “He’s one of the best Formula One drivers the world has ever seen, but I’ve seen what he _can’t_ do with a really shitty car. And I’ve seen what you _can_ do with a really shitty car. Michael told us you could beat his records and I truly believe you could do that if you get the car you can unleash your full talent with.”

Sebastian leaves the hospital, so he quickly changes the topic and tells me adorable stories about Jack. I’ve heard them a few times before, but it doesn’t really matter right now, so I pretend to be really interested.

“I really don’t want to disturb your conversation, but we need to hurry up if we want to be at the airport in time”, he comments and I roll my eyes as Toto nods and starts the car. “Airport?”, I ask, confused, and both men nod.

 “What are we going to do there? I’m not allowed to fly, so we obviously can-“ “We’re going to pick up some special people.” Eyes rolling, I look out of the window and Toto sighs. “Sebastian, no offense, but I think you should tell her.” My brother sighs and nods . “We’re picking up Maurizio, Christian and Mick.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh-oh. So Mick and Emilia will be facing each other for the first time since ... the kiss. Opinions anyone? What do you recon will happen when they meet again?


	22. × twenty-two ×

Half an hour later, we arrive at the airport and I have no idea what to think about this nor how I am supposed to survive the trip back to Sebastian’s place. “And why are we picking them up?”, I ask for what feels like the millionth time, but as usual, nobody even dares to think about giving me an answer.   
There are several good reasons why I didn’t tell my brother about what happened between Mick and me, but now I start to regret keeping it from him as I have no idea how I am supposed to act in his presence without making obvious that there happened something between the two of us.

“Emilia, just stay here, alright?” Eyes rolling, I nod and Sebastian sighs. “Look, this must be a really difficult situation for you, but everything’s going to be okay. Trust me.” I feel a single tear streaming down my face and I weakly shake my head.

“How am I supposed to trust someone who thinks he can just decide everything without asking me?! How is everything supposed to be okay if my goddamn wounds just don’t heal?! How is everything supposed to be okay if the media literally hates me?! How am I supposed to pretend everything is going to be okay if my be- nevermind.” I swallow and take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired and don’t know how to cope with the pain.”

He gives me a skeptical and asking glare and I clench my left fist. “Seriously, I’m okay. Go and welcome your boss, I’m perfectly fine with staying here.” It seems as he wants to refuse to go with Toto, but then decides against it, nods and climbs out of the car. “Call me if anything happens”, says his neighbor and I nod as he closes the door and leaves me on my own. “Damn it.”

My phone’s somewhere in my bag, so I check out the navigation system Toto’s Van has. It’s not interesting at all, but it’s a way to waste time and that’s all what matters to me right now.

People are walking past the van and some of them are giving me weird glares, but at the moment, I couldn’t care less about them and their stupid glares. They probably don’t even recognize me, but only notice how awful I look with flustered cheeks, reddish eyes and an obvious lack of sleep.

Lost in thoughts, I didn’t notice a person I know only too well approaching the car and unlocking it. Only when he climbs into the car and closes the door behind him, I turn around and stare at him with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and panic. “Hey there”, he mumbles and I turn around – a bit too quick, but it’s okay. I can deal with the pain without him noticing it. “I’m sorry for running away. Should have been there for you instead of freaking out.”

Instead of answering him, I just nod and try to take calm and deep breaths. “Are you alright?” Again, I just nod and he scoffs under his breath. “Sweetie, you have to let me know whether you can cope with the pain or not.” Sweetie. “Shut up”, I groan and before I can add something, he’s already climbing over the armrest and sits down on the driver’s seat. “You know I won’t.”

Worriedly, he looks at me and I can’t decide whether I want to slap him or hug him, so I do nothing and try to keep focused on my breathing. “Look I know it was wrong to run away, but you’re obviously in pain and I need to know whether I have to call Seb.” Breathing hurts. Everything hurts. “It’s fine”, I whisper and he sighs. “You must really hate me when you can’t even look at me”, he mumbles and grabs his phone. “Don’t call him, please.”

My brother can’t know how unbearable the pain actually is, he just can’t. Otherwise, he would bring me straight back to the hospital and to be honest, I prefer staying at his place over spending one more minute in that hellhole. “Then let me help you.” A weak sob escapes my lips and I shake my head slightly. “There’s nothing y-“ He literally jumps out of the car, opens my door as well as the rear door and gently picks me up. “I promise you it’s going to be okay, but you have to let me help you.”

Somehow, he manages to climb into the car while holding me – he must have been working out a lot lately – and I sigh quietly as he sits down and lets me sit on his lap. “How bad is it?” Even though I could punch him right now, it somehow feels so good. His presence is calming me down and I’m not sure whether I like that. “Six, a seven when I move.”

Quietly, he curses under his breath and swallows. “And you really don’t want to let Sebastian know how painful this actually is for you?” Slightly, I nod and he chuckles quietly. “That’s my stubborn girl.” His girl. That’s something I could definitely get used to hear. “Why did you leave?” Knowing they could show up any minute, I just need to hear that answer. “Because I couldn’t deal with what I felt.” So Dan was right. “What did you fe-“   
Before I can finish my sentence, he presses his lips onto mine and fcking hell, it feels even more amazing than it did at the first time. Taken by surprise, I kiss him back and try to close the gap between the two of us. This time, he carefully pulls me closer and I can’t believe this is actually happening. “I’m in love with my best friend”, he mumbles against my lips and I smile weakly. “I love you too.”

Just when he gently places me on the seat next to his, they appear, wearing caps and sunglasses. “It’s gonna be alright, Sweetie, I promise you”, he whispers in my ear and leaves a soft kiss on my cheek, giving me goosebumps. Christian decides to join Toto in the front, so it’s my brother, Maurizio, Mick and me in the back. “It’s nice to see you again, Emilia”, the Italian says and I tell him it’s good to see him too while leaning on Mick’s shoulder.

As Toto starts the car, it becomes awfully silent. The only sound comes from the radio and every now and then some cursing by my brother’s neighbor, but that’s it. 


	23. × twenty-three ×

Christian took over the steering wheel four hours later and for some reasons, everyone felt like this would be a good moment to fall asleep – everyone except the driver and me. Mick’s head is resting on my left shoulder, my brother’s head is resting against the window. Maurizio doesn’t need something to rest his head on to sleep and Toto found a pillow under his seat and decided to use that to make his nap more comfortable.

We’ve talked about God and the world for an hour, but now, there’s just an awkward silence. “How are the kids doing?”, I ask and he smiles proudly. “They’re fine, thanks for asking. You know you’re always welcomed at our place right?” Confused, I nod, not really liking where this conversation is going. “I’m serious, Emilia. Geri loves you and so do the kids.” Again, I nod and don’t know what to answer.

“No offense, I really appreciate you being here and everything but shouldn’t you be with them? Or at the fabric?” It’s low-key weird, talking to my brother’s former boss. It’s even weirder that Christian, Maurizio, and Toto all decided to join Sebastian, Mick and me on our trip back to Seb’s place. “Well I had some stuff to do in Monaco and I wanted to fly back to the fabric today, but plans changed and well, here I am.”

He’s feeling uncomfortable talking about why he is here, I can tell, but I don’t get why. “And why are you here? There’s certainly enough for you to do at the fabric or at home.” Sighing, he nods and drives on the left lane, speeds up and overtakes a Ferrari.

“Look, there’s a deal the three of us have. Concerning you. Because obviously, _everyone_ wants you to drive for their team. And to make sure those two don’t break it, I have to be there”, he explains briefly, “plus I always wanted to drive on your highways. It’s so much fun, driving as fast as you want!”

His excitement about the German highways reminds me of the first time Mark drove on one of them. It was the weekend of the Grand Prix in Spielberg and he offered me to drive me to the airport in Munich. As soon as we crossed the board, he drove as fast as he could and boy, he had the time of his life. _Mark_.

 _Mark_ was there when Sebastian stormed into my room, more angrily than ever.   
_Mark_ was there when Sebastian said those six words I never wanted to hear out of his mouth.   
_Mark_ was there when I screamed at my brother, told him what an asshole and dick he actually was.   
_Mark_ was there when Sebastian told me I’d never be at a circuit again.   
_Mark_ was there when I yelled at my brother to leave me the hell alone.  
_Mark_ was there when I begged my brother to just let me live my life in peace.  
_Mark_ was there when Sebastian told me that my parents agreed with him.  
 _Mark_ was there when I threw stuff at my brother, telling him to just leave.  
_Mark_ was there when Sebastian said he decided it for my sake.  
_Mark_ was there when I explained my brother he didn’t even know me at all and therefore had no right to decide stuff like that over my head.   
_Mark_ was there when Sebastian finally left and I broke down in tears.   
_Mark_ was there when my relationship with my brother came to a new low.   
_Mark_ was there when one, if not the most important person in my childhood left me on my own.   
_Mark_ was there when my brother decided to ruin my life.

“Emilia? Are you alright?”, Christian asks and I shake my head weakly, only now realizing I’ve been staring at my brother completely lost in thoughts for a few minutes. Not wanting to talk about what has just happened, I sigh and look at him sceptically. “Deal? What deal do you guys have?” Quietly, he sighs and I already know what he’s going to tell me. “Look, I’m really sorry, kiddo, but you’re not supposed to know that deal exists at all.”

Christian might actually manage to not tell me anything about the deal, but I know someone who will if I make him feel guilty. “It’s okay, I guess. But it’s a business deal, isn’t it? So why ar-“ “As I said, kiddo, everyone wants you. Everyone.” Sceptically, I look at him and scoff under my breath. “Yeah, sure. It’s not a secret that you and the two others want me, but everyone? That’s quite overdramatic, don’t you think?”

Quietly, he chuckles under his breath and shakes his head. “You seriously think I’m being overdramatic? Kiddo, I’m definitely not being overdramatic. You received tons of offers since your accident, you could end up competing in DTM, F1, FE, WRC, WEC, World RX, ERC, GT Masters, well … you name it. You could end up literally _everywhere_ where you’d want to compete at.”

I have heard of a few offers – mainly by teams which owners I know personally – but I asked Britta to just let it be until I know whether a comeback is possible. Because I really don’t want to let a team down by signing a pre-contract thingy and then receiving the news that a comeback just won’t be possible. “Right, because everyone wants _Vettel’s younger sister_.” My response sounds way more bitter than I intended it to be, but I couldn’t care less about that.

“Well, maybe some do. Maybe some teams just want the fame, maybe some teams just want you because of Seb, maybe some just want the attention. But I know most don’t want _Vettel’s younger sister_. Most teams want _you_ , kiddo. Because of what you’ve done, because of what you’ve shown us, because of what you can do with an awful car. Most teams couldn’t care less about the fact that you are related to a certain four-times Formula One world champion.”

I scoff under my breath and roll my eyes at him, he just can’t be serious. “You don’t believe me, huh? Because that certain four-time Formula One world champion always used it as a reason why you being related to him should stay a secret, didn’t he?” Of course he did, Christian heard it himself many, many times, so I don’t answer but just sigh quietly. “Kiddo, I am serious. I’d tell my PR-guys to make sure they never refer to you as _Vettel’s younger sister_ if you were competing for my team. And I’d sue every journalist who does that mistake if you were a driver of my team.”

Even though I know he has to say something like that, it feels kind of nice to know there are team bosses who actually care about their drivers’ wellbeing. “The other two would do the same for you. Whatever you decide to do, just please remember that I’m there for you, no matter what. Even if that means taking the next flight at 4 am or leaving my family for a few days. I’m serious, kiddo. Just call me if you need anything and I’ll give my very best to help you, Emila.” Weakly, I nod and mumble a quiet “thanks” under my breath.

“You’re welcome, kiddo. Now, could you maybe wake up your brother? It’s his turn to drive.” Gently, I shake him – which is quite difficult as he’s sitting on my right – and fake a smile when he opens his eyes. “Wakey wakey, Christian’s almost falling asleep and my complains about you are not helping anymore, so I guess it’s your turn.” For a sec, he just looks at me utterly confused and then nods. “Alright, just let me have a coffee and some fresh air before that.”

And while my brother and Christian chat, I mentally pray that I somehow manage to fall asleep after the break, otherwise the next part of the trip to my aunt and my nieces definitely won’t be fun at all.


	24. × twenty-four ×

Toto woke up just as the RedBull boss parked the car at the next petrol station and cheerfully announced it would be a good moment for him to change seats with me. 

So now Mick and Christian are sitting – or more likely sleeping – in the back, Toto and Maurizio are both snoring in the middle row and I have the pleasure of having to entertain my brother so he doesn’t fall asleep at 3 am on a German highway.

“I talked to your friends”, he blurts out and I split out the coffee I just wanted to drink. “You did _what_?”, I ask, not sure whether I really understood him. “You know I visited a specialist a few weeks ago, right?” Of course, I do remember that, after he came back he announced I’d never compete in motorsport again. “Well, that’s not the whole truth. I felt bad because you had to lie to your friends about … a lot of stuff, so I visited them.”

Oh god, _no_. “You decided to talk to my friends. Without asking me whether that would be alright for me.” He nods and I roll my eyes. “Great. How did it go?” Smiling, he speeds up and I’m quite certain he did something totally stupid. “Good. They understood your situation and told me they’re not mad at you for keeping it a secret.”

Skeptically, I look at him and he chuckles quietly. “I’m serious, Em. They’re still your friends. And I might have invited them to stay at my place for a few days so you guys can catch up and stuff. Hanna suggested it. She claimed that catching up via Skype is just not the same as doing it face-to-face.”

I mentally write myself a note to thank Hanna later for convincing him to have them stay with me – and them – for a while and nod. “Yeah. Thanks.” Taking a deep breath, he nods and looks at me for a sec as there’s no car around us. “She also said that they’re a part of your family, so they should be a part of _our_ family.” Confused, I nod, not really wanting to know what exactly that is supposed to mean.

“So we’re going to have a dinner together. As one, big family.” I choke on my salvia and he sighs. “Em, don’t be so overdramatic. Mom and Dad also want to get to know your friends. So does Mick, so do Fabi and your sisters. So do I.”

Bitterly, I chuckle and roll my eyes. “Yeah. Sure. You want to get to know my friends. That’s why you’ve always been so interested in what I do, how I’m doing and stuff. That’s why you never found the time to visit me. Because you care so much about me and my life. Absolutely.” Every January, I send him and Britta a mail with those few weekends I would be free and my holidays that year. But he never answered. Britta always promised me to find a weekend we both would be free – but it never really happened.

“Em, I’m a busy man. I spend almost every weekend at a circuit or at the factory, there was simply no time to visit you!” The funny thing is that Britta send me a copy of his schedule every January. And there were plenty of free weekends where he wasn’t supposed to be at the factory nor at a circuit. “Yeah, and because you were so busy, you and Kimi managed to do a dudes night at least every two months.”

Sure, it’s not that fair to use information against him I got by one of his best friends, but life is not fair. And he’s not fair. So why should I? “We didn’t do a dudes night at lea-“ “Of course you didn’t. I mean why should Kimi ask me when we could meet again, right? It’s not like _he_ actually cares about me”, I comment and laugh bitterly, “oh wait. Actually, he _does_ care about me. And he _does_ fly over to England just to see me.”

Surprised, he glares at me and I shrug slightly, trying to not show the pain it causes. “So does Mark. It’s funny, even though they’re both super busy, they manage to find some time for me. It’s like you didn’t even want to see me. But that’s weird because … well, you know.” Not daring to look at him, I close my eyes and clench my left fist. “Before I started karting, we were so close. I couldn’t sleep well without having you next to me. But when mom and dad agreed on letting me karting, we started to drift apart.”

I take a deep breath and he doesn’t stop me, so I continue my stupid rant. “At first, I didn’t notice because everything was so new and overwhelming and I needed to cope with tons of stuff. But then, your phone calls became less and less. Your texts became less until the only texts I got were about doctor’s appointments or that I should call mom and dad. I didn’t even know you and Hanna were expecting a second child until she told me. You can’t imagine how much that hurt.”

A single tear streams down my face and a choked sob passes my lips. “It hurt so unbelievably much, Sebastian. Now you’re here, pretending to be the big brother you stopped being when I started karting. Hell, you’re still babying me as you did back then. And when you told me I’d never compete in motorsports again, I just … I just can’t understand it. It’s so unfair and I’ll talk to mom and dad about it when they’re visiting me. Because you, Sebastian, have absolutely nothing to say when it comes to my life and how I live it.”

“Emilia, it’s too dangerous for you. Anything could happen to you and I just can’t let that happen.” Scoffing, I cross my arms in front of my body and have to control myself to not break out in tears. Why does this still have to hurt so much? “And why are you still competing then? If it’s too dangerous for me, why isn’t it too dangerous for you? You’ve got Hanna and the girls who love you very much and would love to have you back in one piece. Anything could happen to you too.”

“Well, I’m an adult and Hanna’s ok-“ “Do you even listen to yourself?! It doesn’t matter whether she’s okay with it! Motorsport is dangerous. No matter whether you’re an adult or not. Anything could happen to you. No matter whether you’re an adult or not. Your arguments are just ridiculous, I had better arguments back in my hospital days why I should have chocolate and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” “Just let me ex-“ “Oh, Mick and I are dating, by the way. Thought you should know it, so you can ruin that part of my life as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update, I'm sorry it took so long but there's been so much going on lately (school, my boyfriend, ...) that I just didn't find time to update - but here we are!   
> Opinions anyone? Do you think her outburst will change their relationship for good?


	25. × twenty-five ×

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mention of Michael so better prepare yourself y'all

Somehow, I must have managed to fall asleep shortly after my emotional outburst, as I am laying on a soft mattress as I wake up. Groaning, I open my eyes and stretch my arms, only to realize that movement is still quite painful. “Stupid pain”, I mutter under my breath and just want to sit up as the door opens and Mick enters the room – _my_ room at my brother’s place, to be exact. 

“Oh, you’re awake”, he states the obvious and smiles weakly at me, “that’s good because I just wanted to wake you up for some late brunch.” The room has a homely atmosphere, but at the same time, it has everything but a homely atmosphere. My last sleep in here must be over a year ago as I skipped the traditional family Christmas celebration at my brother’s place to celebrate it with Mark and Ann.

“Late brunch?” Confused, I look at him and he sits down on the floor next to my bed. “Yeah, it’s past 2 pm now but we really didn’t want to wake you up.” _We_. “How did I end up here?” My room’s placed on the first floor, therefore someone must have carried me upstairs. “Your brother wanted to carry you, but I told him it’s my job as your boyfriend to do stuff like that. Surprisingly, he let it be and carried your bags.” 

Surprised by the fact that my brother actually just let it be for the moment, I look at him and he chuckles quietly. “Trust me, I couldn’t believe it as well. Whatever happened between the two of you, whatever you told him, it worked.” It should probably feel like a small victory, but it doesn’t. He didn’t even dare to explain why he didn’t find time to meet me, no, all he wanted to explain was why he is against me competing in motorsports again.

“What do you want to have for your late brunch? We’ve got literally everything.” I shrug and grab his hand, pressing my lips together to not let him know it still hurts. “Sweetie, you have to eat something.” Not feeling like discussing with him, I sigh and lock our fingers, smiling weakly when all he does is moving closer to me. “Just pick something for me, I really don’t care.”

 “Then you have to let me go, Sweetie.” I pout, not wanting to let the only person in this house who’s truly and always on my side leave me. “Alright, alright, I’ll text your brother just to bring something upstairs.” The lack of sleep is doing things to me I never dreamed of doing and I know he is very much aware of the fact that my current state is based on that. 

So he sends my brother a text and I look around the room, remembering how Hanna complained about it being so impersonal and clean. The walls are painted in a somewhat creamy white and the complete furniture is white as well. The only thing that brings some kind of color in this room is the helmet Michael wore during the 2005 Italian Grand Prix and the card he wrote. He gave it to me after the Belgian Grand Prix as he dropped by to visit Sebastian and me at home before the Brazilian Grand Prix.

“So many people wanted that helmet, I remember hearing him arguing with someone about it. He could have earned thousands with that helmet and could have donated that money to charity, but he wanted you to have it so you would always have something to remind you of the first Formula One race you got to watch live and at home”, he says as he notices me staring at his dad’s helmet and stands up. “Same goes for the overall.”

The racing overall he wore during the race is in my room at my parent’s place in Heppenheim – together with the card he wrote. It was his birthday present for me as it was my first birthday I got to celebrate at home and not stuck in a hospital. “God, I wish he could watch you coming back even stronger. He’d be so proud.”

With teary eyes, Mick looks at me and I swallow hard, feeling bad for what I have to say. “I don’t think there will be a comeback.” Until now, I never really said it out loud and doing so really hurts, but he has to know the truth. “My dear brother thinks it’s too dangerous for me and I’m not sure whether my wounds will heal at all. I know giving up isn’t a real option but … it’s the best option I have at the moment.”

Quickly, he shakes his head in disbelief and walks over to the framed card his dad wrote. “Sweetie, I know it seems easier to give up, but trust me, fighting for it will be so worth it!” He points at the card and doesn’t have to read out loud what’s written down on it because I know it by heart.

_“For Emilia, my little fighter. Keep fighting for your hopes and dreams because they will come true! I believe in you.”_

“What happened to my brave, strong girl who was willing to up so much to achieve her dreams? What happened to my brave, strong girl who didn’t accept _‘no’_ as an answer? What happened to my brave, strong girl who fought her way back after some huge setbacks? What happened to the girl my dad was so proud of? Huh? What happened to her?”

His voice trembles and it hurts so much to see him so disappointed, shocked, hurt, hopeless and in disbelief that I simply can’t force myself to look at him, so I look down on my hands and say the truth, even though it hurts. “That girl grew up, Mick, and is facing a setback she can’t overcome. That girl was told motorsports would be too dangerous for her. That girl is sick of fighting so fucking hard to achieve her dreams.”

“Excuse me”, he chokes out and for the second time, he leaves me behind just when I need him the most. At least he said something this time, but it still hurts, having to watch him leave me on my own instead of being my shoulder to cry on.

He’s talking to someone in the hallway and as the conversation is in German, it’s my brother, my brother’s neighbor or Hanna he met, but to be honest, I couldn’t care less so I don’t eardrop the chat.

“No, she’s not feeling so well right now. Just give her some time for herself so she can get used to everything, to being out of the hospital and dealing with the pain without painkillers. Now it wouldn’t change a single thing between the two of you”, Mick warns and I sigh quietly as my brother mutters something I cannot make out. “I promised to grab something for her, then I won’t leave her side until she’s asleep. I promise.”

So I sit there, staring at the card Michael wrote me, repeatedly mumbling the words he had written down to myself.

_“For Emilia, my little fighter. Keep fighting for your hopes and dreams because they will come true! I believe in you.”_

Michael believed in me.  
Back then, when no one else even dared to think of me as a championship winning driver.  
Back then when finding a sponsor was so freaking difficult for a girl.  
Back then when no one truly believed that a girl could do all those things the boys are doing on the track.  
Back then when I struggled so much with those comments and glares.  
Back then when no one else believed in me.  
He saw something in me. Talent. Passion. The _‘right look’_ as in to know when a maneuver might work out and when not.

And now I’m throwing it all away. Everything he taught me. Everything he helped me with. I’m throwing it away because the fight I would have to win is too big for me. Is it really so bad that I’m giving up now, before I wasted tears and strength for a fight I know I can’t win? Is it really so bad that I’m just trying to accept my fate?

So lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice Mick coming in and carefully sitting down next to me, hiding something behind his back. “Is everything alright?”, he questions worriedly and I wince, looking at him in confusion. “You seemed a bit off, is everything alright, Sweetie?” Weakly, I nod and try to not show the pain. “If you say so.”

Skeptically, he watches me and I sigh quietly. “I’m just … I know it’s better to give up now before I wasted tears, sweat, time and strength for something I can’t beat.” Mick shakes his head quickly and looks straight into my eyes. “You know every tear, every single second would be totally worth it. And because I want you to remember that it’s worth fighting a fight that seems almost impossible to win, I want you to have something.”

Gently, he takes my hand and puts a bracelet on my wrist. A bracelet I only know too well. His dad’s bracelet. His dad’s lucky charm. “He’d want you to wear it, Em. He’d want you to wear it to remind you that you’re never alone, that you’re not going through this on your own. He’d want you to wear it to remind you of the fights you already won even though nobody expected you to do so, of the fights you thought were impossible to win.”

Speechless I stare at the bracelet, knowing how much it means to Mick, to Corinna, to Gina and how much it meant to Michael, not knowing how to explain him that I can’t wear it. Corinna gave it to him shortly after his dad’s accident, after his dad’s rescuers went out looking for it as he wasn’t wearing it when he came out of surgery. His mom gave it to him so he got something from his dad always with him. So he would never feel alone.

“Mick, I ca-“ “And I want you to wear it because dad believed in you and so do I. I know you can do it, Sweetie.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Comments and/or kudos are welcomed as always. As I've got my first exam next week, this probably will be the last update until the middle of December or something like that.  
> Opinions anyone?  
> How do you think will Sebastian, Hanna and the others react to the bracelt?  
> What do you guys think about Mick's gesture? Cute or a bit too much?


	26. Chapter 26

Sebastian freaked out when he saw me wearing his idol’s bracelet. He screamed at me. Nasty words fell. He might or might not have slapped me. I might or might not have told him to fuck off. Just another argument between two loving siblings. Totally normal. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing.

It’s a week since the slap and even though nobody even dares to think about letting me know about it, I’m quite sure Hanna kicked him out. She was so furious and disappointed when she came upstairs to let him know the girls asked for him and saw his handprint on my cheek that it wouldn’t surprise me if he had to stay at Toto’s or join Kimi and his family during their vacations. 

Mick was – as expected – everything but pleased to hear about what happened, but I somehow managed to calm him down. I heard him and Hanna talking about it and I also heard that she wants us to talk while he claimed it would be better for me to stay at his place as Corinna and Gina would do everything but hurt me and his dad’s nurses would be willing to look after me.

“He really slapped you?”, asks Fabian in disbelief and I scoff under my breath. “For God’s sake, is it really too much to ask for a dinner in silence?”, I grumble and my mom gives me a warning glare. “Emilia, don’t be so rude.” _Rude._ I really want to laugh at her joke, but knowing her, it’s better to stay silent. It’s not fair though, he’s allowed to annoy me with questions I have answered over what feels like thousand times by now and I’m not allowed to politely tell him to shut the fuck up. “Sorry, mom.”

My brother smirks and I roll my eyes when nobody’s looking - it’s exactly what he wants. We never had the best relationship as he grew up at home, surrounded by our older siblings, our grandparents and whoever wasn’t in hospital while I was stuck in that hellhole, desperately waiting for someone to come and waste some time with me. So the bond twins usually share is more or less non-existent at this point.

“Maybe Hanna can help you covering it up better.” Sharply, I breathe in and it takes me lots of self-control to not return the favor and leave a handprint – _my_ handprint – on his cheek. “Maybe you could shut up.” “Emilia!” Disappointed, my dad looks at me and I swallow. Fine. I never wanted this family reunion thingy in the first place. “If you excuse me, I really need to lay down.”

Without waiting for an answer, I stand up and bite onto my lower lip. Fuckin’ hell, this hurts more than I expected. “Sit down.” My mom gives me a stern glare and I shake my head. “I’m not supposed to sit for a longer time period and my leg hurts so I need to lay down.” As they can’t prove that I’m just making this up to escape dinner, my mom sighs, and nods, allowing me to leave the table earlier – and as I sadly can’t get up to my room, Mick has to accompany me.

“I hate this”, I whisper as soon as we’re out of the dining room and the door’s closed behind us. “He’s provoking me because he knows my parents have double-standards when it comes to us.” Usually, I wouldn’t dare to do something like this, but as they already decided I won’t compete in motorsport again, I have nothing to fear. “It’s a difficult situation for him as well, Em. Give him some time and everything’s gonna be alright.”

As he carries me upstairs, his grip is a bit tighter than usual and it takes him longer than usual to let me down. “Well, it’s still unfair.”

Yesterday, he announced he wants to follow Sebastian’s steps and applied for the 2017 season of the Audi TT Cup. I couldn’t believe my ears when my dad let Fabian know how proud he and my mom are and that they’re always going to support him, no matter what. Hanna gave me an excusing glare, she knew how much I struggled with the lack of support and the conditions that came with their signature under the contracts. And they let him compete in motorsport even though he really lacks the good grades and everything I worked so hard to get that goddamn signature.

“Oh I know sweetie, but starting a fight with him won’t change it.” Mick’s probably right – he’s right most of the times – but it’s so frustrating. “They don’t even realize what they’re actually doing. They don’t even realize they support every male being that’s against women in motorsport. They don’t even realize the double-standards they have and it hurts. I’m done with being hurt.”

 Frustrated, I sigh and watch him going through my wardrobe. “You know you just have to say a word and I’ll tell my mom to organize a safe transport to my place, right?” Weakly, I nod, but Corinna did so much for me already, I don’t want to cause any more problems or trouble for her. “Oh, by the way, this came earlier today for you. Hanna kept it hidden so nobody else would open it.” He hands me a thick envelope and a sweater to change into and I give him a skeptical glare when I recognize the name of the person who send it.

It’s his dad’s lawyer. He visited me in hospital as Corinna asked him to help me with the media and the shit they talk. “What does your dad’s lawyer want from me?” Confused, he shrugs and sits down next to me. “We’re going to figure out what he wants in a sec, sweetie.”

With trembling fingers, I open it and pull out a letter and a DVD. “He recorded some videos before he joined Merc for the people he cared about, in case something happens to him”, my boyfriend explains and puts an arm around me, “he cared about you, obviously.”

 _Obviously_. Nodding, I open the letter and can’t believe my own eyes.

_“I, Michael Schumacher, declare that this is my last will and testament.”_

“But he’s not dea-“ “No, no, but Gina told me mom wanted us to know about his last will.”

  _“I hereby revoke, annul and cancel all wills and codicils previously made by me, either jointly or severally. I declare that I am of legal age to make this will and that I am sound of mind. This last will expresses my wishes without undue influence or duress.”_

There’s a paragraph that’s marked, so I skip the part where Corinna, Gina and Mick and what they’d get are listed.

  _“To Emilia Vettel who’s hopefully going to follow her brother’s and my steps to Formula One, I bequeath two point five percent and the Ferrari I know she always admired as a child. In case of becoming a Formula One driver (or a professional motorsport racer in another professional category which is not considered as a ‘junior category’) she shall receive another five percent.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year y'all! I hope 2019 treats you right and your dreams come true.   
> Opinions anyone? (Pls don't hate me though)


	27. × Twenty-seven ×

Sighing, I look at the door as the bell rings. Everyone else is at church and as I refuse to sit in the wheelchair for longer than absolutely necessary, my parents decided it would be better for me to just stay here and _help Santa with all the presents_. “It’s open”, I yell and pause the movie I’m currently watching.

Someone slowly opens the door and I chuckle quietly as I hear Toto whispering something. “You know I’m only supposed to let Santa in and except Toto’s wearing a Santa costume, I guess I’m not allowed to let you in.” Cheekily, I smirk at Susie and she laughs quietly. “It’s good to see you too, Emilia. Hanna asked us to check on you and to help Santa with the presents.” Toto follows his wife and quickly closes the door behind himself. “Well then make yourselves feel at home.”

Susie walks straight into the kitchen while Toto sits down next to me. “How are you doing?”, he asks and I shrug, looking down on the blanket that’s covering the sweatpants I’m wearing. “It’s frustrating, being stuck in here. And the massive lack of support for a comeback certainly doesn’t make it easier for me to give my body the time to heal it needs.” He nods and quietly sighs under his breath. “I heard about Fabian’s plan to join the 2017 Audi TT Cup, is that right?” It hurts. It hurts so freaking much that he literally was offered the seat and that my parents told him to not worry about the money as there’s still a year left to collect all of it – without him working some stupid, badly paid jobs on the weekends.  “Yeah. It’s not 100% safe yet but it seems like it’s going to work out for him”, I answer bitterly and try to appear happy for my brother.

“Look, I know we’re not family but if there’s anything you need – money, support, sponsors, whatever – you can always come to us and we’re going to figure something out, alright? Your talent shouldn’t be wasted.” Surprised, I look at him and nod. “Thanks, but I’m not really sure whether I really wanna do the comeback.”

“Emilia, you know that is the most stupid idea you ever had, right? You’re so talented, your brothers are probably just jealous of your undeniable talent. Seb’s one of the best Formula One drivers the world has ever seen, but with the right team and the right support, you could become _the_ best driver this world has ever seen. He had lots of potential, yes, but it’s nothing compared to yours. Put him in a DTM car and the first few races would be more or less to forget because he doesn’t have the talent of just being able to drive every car he wants you. You, however, have that talent.” Blushing, I look at him and scoff quietly.

“You haven’t seen him competing in the Race of Champions then. The way he quickly adapts to those different cars, it’s just amazin-“ “Yeah, because everyone else also has to adapt to those different cars, Emilia. Maybe he can adapt quicker than others, but not as fast as you. If I offered him the chance to compete in DTM for a weekend, against eighteen drivers who do that for a living, he’d probably finish both races at the end of the field. You, on the other hand, wouldn’t. Because you can adapt the driving style of a professional driver in that amount of time he needs to adapt the driving style of an amateur.” Eyes rolling, I look at him and gently slap his arm.  “You have to say that because you want me to join your team once I’m fit enough.”

Susie enters the living room with three glasses and chuckles. “No, he doesn’t have to say that because if this was a conversation with the goal to make you join the Mercedes team, Christian and Maurizio could sue him. He says that because he means it, darling.” For a moment, I’m utterly confused as I have no idea what she’s talking about, but then it hits me – the deal. She’s talking about the deal Toto, Christian and Maurizio have. The one Christian mentioned but couldn’t talk about it. “Sue you? God, you guys are crazy”, I comment, not really wanting to believe Susie.

“Want to see the official papers signed by lawyers of Ferrari, RedBull and Mercedes?” Sitting down next to her husband with a teasing smile, she hands him and me a glass. “Nah, I believe you.” She has absolutely no reason to lie to me, so it should be the truth or at least closer to the truth than I would have gotten without her. “I still don’t know why y’all are so freaking desperate to convince me to do a comeback and join your team though.”

Growing up with always being compared to Sebastian – even if nobody was aware of us being related, they tended to do so as we both started our career at the same karting track in Kerpen and if one compares our statistic, they’re surprisingly similar for karting statistic – but never being good enough to prevent being compared to someone, I’ve always been forced to compare myself to others and to realise my weaknesses.

“Emilia”, Toto sighs and has a somewhat worried expression on his face, “you really need to stop to compare yourself to others and especially to your brother. Please believe me when I tell you that you could become the best racing driver the world has ever seen if you find the right team that supports you in the right way. Sebastian’s one of the best, but I’m afraid he’ll never be the best. He’ll never manage to beat Michael’s records. You, on the other hand, are very much likely to do so if you do a comeback.” Breaking Michael’s records was my main goal when I was younger and I would always tell him about my plan to break every single record he set – but now, I’m not even sure whether I would want that. “What if I don’t want to … you know. What if I want his records to stay?”

 Surprised, Susie looks at me and her husband can’t help to do the same. “Darling, you know he’d want you to break his records, right? His records aren’t meant to last forever and I can’t imagine he’d want someone else to break them.” Skeptically, I shake my head and point at the hoodie I’m wearing – Mick’s very first merch. “Yeah, right, totally see why he would want me to break his records and not his own son. Absolutely. Sorry for being so blind.” Both of them sigh and I scoff under my breath, I appreciate them trying to make me want to go back, but I still don’t really feel like doing it.

“Mick’s got already way too much to carry around due to his dad’s records. He’d get weak as soon as he’d possibly do it because the pressure would be too much. Everyone is kind of expecting him to do so, but I personally don’t think he’ll manage that. He’s a good driver, don’t get me wrong, but … I think he’s emotionally too closely connected to his dad’s records. Seb won’t break them and even though Lewis is an astonishing driver, he won’t manage to break all. So you’re the only one left who actually has a chance to break every single one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow, an update! Can you believe this??? Bc I can't????   
> [Comments and/or Kudos are welcomed as always and don't hesitate to ask me, I promise I don't bite.]


	28. × Twenty-eight ×

“Surprise!” Sebastian didn’t show up for dinner and as I was totally fine with not having to deal with his presence for a bit longer, I didn’t even ask why his seat next to Hanna stayed empty. Now, when he enters the house with a massive smile plastered on his face, I instantly regret not asking where he went. “Yeah, totally a surprise”, I mumble under my breath and roll my eyes, continuing to eat my precious dessert – Mom’s homemade chocolate lava cake – while the others welcome him back.

Suddenly, someone puts their hands in front of my eyes and just when I want to tell my brother to just leave me the hell alone, I hear that person’s giggle and can’t believe it. “Ailisha?”, I ask in disbelief and she chuckles. “Almost thought you wouldn’t recognize me at all, woman.” Forgetting my injury for a second, I quickly stand up, turn around and hug her. “God, I missed you too.”

“Yeah, thanks Emilia, we missed you too!” Lucy stands a few feet away from us and I dramatically roll my eyes at her and Ana. “You gotta come here if you want a hug”, I shrug, now regretting standing up in the first place. “Em, you’re not supposed to sta-“ “As long as I’m not actually walking, it should be fine.” Ailisha lets me go and I quickly hug the other two girls before Mick almost pushes me back onto my chair. “I’ll remind you of that if you complain tomorrow about the pain”, he mumbles quietly as I watch my parents and Fabian greeting my bestest friends. “You knew about that, didn’t you?”

He doesn’t answer, but the smile I receive is enough to tell me everything I wanted to know and even more. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Fabian smiles cheekily and just as I’m trying to figure out how to kick him under the table without anyone noticing, my mom gives him a warning glare which leaves him and me both surprised. “How was the flight? I hope it was alright?”, Melanie asks and Lucy assures her the flight was more than alright and thanks Sebastian again for the upgrade he managed to organise for them. I have no clue what they’re talking about, but I’ll figure that out when we’re on our own, without my family and Susie and Toto being around.

“Lolo help Santa?” Chuckling, I nod at my nieces and Emilie giggles in excitement. “Yes, I helped Santa. He left so many presents because you were such a good kid this year!” She tells her younger sister something and from what I understand, she’s explaining why Santa left presents behind. “Lolo good too?” Again, I nod and Mick gives me a skeptical glare. “Yeah, but Santa told me he didn’t leave that many presents for me behind because I already got a lot for my birthday.” Truth is that I didn’t celebrate my birthday and certainly didn’t get that many presents, but she doesn’t have to know that.

“Lolo?”, Ana asks, looking confused. “Her full name is Emilia Lorena and somehow Emilie decided to call her ‘Lolo’. Nobody really knows why”, Hanna explains, chuckling at her daughter’s bored expression. “Why don’t you ask Mick and Lolo to help you with your first presents, huh?” Before my niece could even ask us, Mick already stood up, picked me up and kneed down a bit so she could jump on his back with her mother’s help. “Wanna join us?”, I ask my friends, not wanting to leave them alone with my family and they quickly agree.

Gently, Mick lets me down in the living room and rolls his eyes at me when I quickly move my tired body from the couch to the floor, not wanting to feel left out as the girls are sitting on the floor as well. “Can’t believe you actually let him pick them up”, I mumble when he sits down next to me and he chuckles. “Well, it would have been too obvious if I didn’t come back after church. Plus he’s the only one they met before, so it just made sense for him to do it.”

“God there’s so much bullshit he could have told them.” Ailisha gives me an asking glare and I sigh quietly. “I really hope my dear brother didn’t tell you those weird stories he loves to tell.” Lucy chuckles and takes the present Emilie hands her, opening it quickly. “Well I can’t say he didn’t want to try but we refused to listen.”

Skeptically, I look at them and Ana laughs. “Seriously, Em, there’s no need to worry. Your brother obviously didn’t know what to say, so he just stayed silent the entire way. Might have heard us fangirling in the back and that scared him, who knows, right?” Fangirling about my idiotic brother sounds like something they’d definitely do, so I nod and give her a weak smile. “It’s just … we haven’t talked since he did something he probably”, I pause and Mick gives me a “are you serious? Should have killed him for hurting you”-kind of glare, the one I always received when talking about a certain Dutch driver, “shouldn’t have done.”

“Lolo! Look!”, Emilie exclaims happily and I force myself to smile at her. She’s proudly showing me the doll Hanna and I picked out for her. “Lolo, hold.” Chuckling, I nod, gently take the doll and place it on my lap. “You have to name your doll later, love.” Overwhelmed by the amount of presents she still has to open, she just nods and looks at Mick. “Do you want Mick to help you? Then you have to ask him nicely." With pleading eyes, she looks at my boyfriend and I know he won’t refuse to help her no matter if she actually asks him or not. “Please, Mick? Presents.”

Lucy coos at my niece’s adorable expression and we all can’t help but chuckle when he nods and she just giggles. “She’s got you wrapped around her finger, huh?”, I tease him when he grabs the present she pushed all the way over for him to open it. “Well she’s sharing DNA with the person who actually got me wrapped around her finger and her pout is just so simi-“ “Yeah, yeah, of course. You refused to get me a new water bottle last night after you emptied mine, though.”

Eyes rolling, he opens the present and she squeals in excitement. “Red car like Papa’s!” It was Mick who convinced Hanna and me to put the red Ferrari into our online shopping back, but it seems like he did the right thing. “Try out now?” Instead of waiting for an answer, she already runs towards the door – probably to get her shoes on. “Papa has to put in batteries first, love. And it’s already dark outside, but you can drive your Ferrari tomorrow, alright?” Ana quickly stands up and I give her a thankful glare as she follows my niece, picks her up and carries her back into the living room. “Promise?” “Pinky-promise.”

The other presents were smaller, some new blankets so we could buy a proper fort the next time, some clothing for her doll, a jumpsuit that looks like Sebastian’s racing overall as well as some gloves and some Lego Duplo.

“Your doll still needs a name, love”, I remind her as she climbs onto my lap and yawns quietly. “But we can do that in the morning as we-“ “Michael.” Confused, I look at her. “Doll’s name Michael.” Proudly, she looks at the doll and I shrug. “If that’s how you want to name your doll, love.” Mick and I exchange a glare – we never mentioned his dad’s name around her, or at least I wasn’t aware of that – and he swallows hard before picking her up. “Well, then Michael and you should really go to bed now. The sooner you’re asleep, the sooner you can drive your Ferrari.”

Just as he approaches the stairs with her in his arms, the others enter the living room and Emilie’s instantly awake. “Papa look!” Sighing quietly, my boyfriend lets her down and she runs to her father, hugging his legs. “Red car like yours!” Smiling, he knees down and nods. “Yeah, and you know what? Kimi got you some stickers we can put on your car tomorrow – then it really looks like mine.”

“Hanna, do you still have some of the wine we drank while doing online shopping?”, I ask her, not wanting to watch my niece and my brother being adorable any longer. “Yeah, sure, you know where to find it.” Nodding, I somehow manage to move myself from the floor to the sofa and look at the girls. “Wanna come upstairs?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I finally managed to update!1!1! Can y'all believe it? Well, I cant.   
> OC Squad reunion going on here and there's so much going to happen ... ;)   
> [Comments and/or Kudos are welcomed as always :)]


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